Preventer Files: Case 01 or A Day in the Life
8.25.01
Notes: *grins sheepishly* I had this finished before the weekend, but I got rather caught up in prepping for Yaoi con (Which was fantastic and fun and I *loved* meeting everyone there ^^). It'll be… a short vignette random series *g* Definitely not going to be serious, random humor, etc. you get the picture. Next fic up'll probably be a sandman/gw crossover I've been dicking… err fooling around with ^^
What Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy did on their mission (N465-3A1)
See Heero typing. Heero types fast.
Type Heero Type.
See Duo sneaking. He is good at sneaking.
Sneak Duo Sneak.
See Heero and Duo set bombs. There are a lot of bombs.
There can never be enough bombs.
See Heero and Duo run.
Run Heero Run. Run Duo Run.
See Heero press the button. The button is shiny and red.
Laugh Heero Laugh.
See the bombs go boom. Up comes the smoke, down comes the building.
The baddies are scurrying out of the building.
Scurry baddies Scurry.
See the Preventers catch the baddies. They are good guys.
Yay Preventers Yay.
Heero and Duo are happy. Happy + Heero = Horny Heero.
See Duo smiling. He smiles very big. He smiles all day and all night.
Smile Duo Smile.
The End
"You did it. You really did it."
"Yeah, I know. Ain't it a beaut? I don't know *why* you're so surprised, you did dare me, Wufei."
"True. Though, Duo, I thought your sense of self preservation was stronger." Wufei's eyebrow arched ever higher as he and Duo calmly observed the bulletin board. It was early enough in the morning so that they were alone. However, Wufei surmised that with the report so prominently displayed at the very social heart of the Preventers, ie the lounge, it would not be empty for long.
"You mean Heero? He just gave me a look." Duo smirked. It was neither a nice smirk nor a comforting one. There was a distinct edge about it that made Wufei think of cherry bombs in toilets and Trojan horses.
"The look he gave you last Friday?"
"Nah, man. *That* was a different look. Umm… like the one this morning only squintier and sort of a tiny curl in the upper lip."
There was a brief pause as Wufei mentally adjusted Heero's facial features. Even in his imagination they remained rigid. Flexibility, for Heero, existed only in his spandex. "Is there really a difference?"
"Well, yeah! This morning's was sort of… get out of my way you should DIE you drank all my coffee and last Friday's was-"
The darker haired Preventer remembered something. A shard of memory frantically dislodged itself and ran away screaming. No, that was weak. It floated away resolutely on a river. Screaming. "No. Wait. Stop." Last Friday, last Friday, last Friday… what was it about last Friday that made his hair stand on end, his eyes cross, and a cold sweat break out?
Duo waited with a patient little smile.
Wufei remembered. There had been a broken table, several badly abused medical instruments, and lubricant… dear gods the lubricant and creams had been everywhere. There had been so very, very much lubricant… And right in the middle of all this chaos was Heero wearing nothing but a white lab coat, a stethoscope, and a self satisfied smile. Duo was wearing what *had* been a paper patient's gown with the open side in the *front*. By the time those two were done, it was a few shreds and strips of tissue paper.
The memories… they were returning… Despite a portion of Wufei's brain, the large throbbing grey matter which was screaming no, no, no and *really* meant it, unlike most ukes, the memories were coming back. Right after lunch, Duo had complained of a stomach ache. Heero gave him a look; everyone had interpreted it as the can't you do *anything* properly oh come on I'll take you to the infirmary are you really feeling bad? Duo followed Heero meekly to the doctor's office.
Suspiciously meekly in fact, something that no one had noticed until it was too late. Usually it took several strong men, numerous strait jackets, and a staple gun to drag Duo to get an ice pack.
They had paid for their slack in vigilance.
Several hours later, they found Duo and Heero playing doctor in Sally's office. The poor medical intern who discovered them requested a transfer to the mail room; the gyne… the gyne… the WOMAN chair had to be replaced with a direct order for its cremation.
There was a correction to be made. Flexibility, for Heero, existed only in his spandex and apparently in Duo.
"What's wrong, Wufei? Not feeling well? Would you like me to take you to the infirmary?" This was said in the most dulcet of tones.
He was strong; he would be above this all. "Bite me, Duo."
"Oooh… Wufei, that makes me so~"
"Lady Une."
"Yeah! … huh?"
"I assume this is a duplicate of the mission report you handed in to Une?"
"Hell yeah! It was what we betted on, remember?"
"Aren't you in the least bit worried?"
"Nah, she loooves me. I can do no wrong!"
"Right. And when you return from your foray into the DELUSIONARY WILL NEVER HAPPEN lands, let me know."
"Aw, Wufei. Lighten up."
"Duo, if I wished to lighten up I would grab a bottle of Clairol's Relena blonde. You are in deep, deep shit."
"Wufei! Language! *We* are in deep, deep shit."
"You-"
"Gentlemen. How are we feeling this morning? Good? Wonderful. Could you spare some time to join me in my office, in say, 15 minutes or so? Excellent. As you were."
"Well… fuck."
"Wufei… you're such a potty mouth."
"Chang, Maxwell. Since the two of you are so simply *fascinated* with children, the next assignment will allow you to indulge, perhaps even *overdose* on children. Marimeia and her class, you remember her class? The Gifted and Talented Kids? The ones voted in the local paper to most likely take over the world?, will be attending a field trip. The teachers need more chaperones and would probably *adore* to have you two along. Two such *fine* *manly* Preventer with big *guns*. Did I mention that every teacher is single, young, female, and looking for that right someone? You're in luck, Wufei. Women *squeal* over a strong man swarming in children. And Duo. Dear Duo, we wouldn't want to leave you out. I know you're involved with Heero, but I have the feeling you'll be equally popular. The ladies are all members of the local Slash Society, and they're simply *weak kneed* at the thought of having a *real* *live* *gay* *man* to ask all their *detailed* and *intimate* questions to. Maybe you've heard of them? They run yaoinow.net which as a *huge* Preventer section. You should be flattered; your profile, as well as Heero's, receives the most hits. Now, gentleman, no need to thank me."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Two men, two voices, one horror.
"I am delighted that you are so excited about the new mission, gentlemen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do have a *great* deal of case reports to review. I'll be *greatly* looking forward to yours, with visual evidence if you please. You are dismissed."
Two slightly apprehensive Preventers had entered Une's office; two utterly devastated and twitching Preventers exited. Une's secretary, Lia, watched with great interest.
Now *that* was a woman.
Oshimai.
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