Okay. Okay, she could handle that Heero didn't want a relationship. Yet. All he needed was some time to understand what a miraculous woman he had rejected. And with that overly-joyous blabbermouth Duo chatting to him incessantly nowadays, it was no wonder he was having such a hard time coming to his senses. Why was Duo so extra-perky recently anyways? Well, no matter, Relena thought. Duo wouldn't fit her plans in any case. He'd always seemed so flirtatious...in such a..a..distastefully queer manner. Plus all that hair.....No, no, he just wouldn't do at all. She needed someone Heero would notice. Relena knew how much Heero pitied the boy, letting him drape all over his body just to keep Duo's self-esteem intact. Ah, her love was such a kind-hearted soul. If only she were more like him!
Clasping her hands together, eyes welling with tears of pride, her resolve strengthened. She had to make Heero hers soon; she worried about how long she could endure the boy's test.
So what to do? she wondered. Back before she was a distinguished diplomat in charge of everyone's salvation, her childish classmates spoke of little else but boys. Vaguely she remembered joining in, but for some reason she'd never had to put any of the advice into practice. School boys just couldn't handle her maturity. A Gundam pilot on the other hand....their maturity levels almost matched that of her own. So which one would suffice?
There was Wufei......He was a handsome, self-respecting devil, that was for sure. Father would have approved of him, even that super-cool motorcycle he owned! And all that talk about justice, it was so sexy! There was only one problem......Whenever Relena would try to talk to him, all he would say was "Woman!", snort, and go back to what he was doing, even if it meant staring at the floor. Surely he did not mean to appear so simple-minded, but she had to admit, such obvious drug use would not suit her aristocratic lifestyle. She'd just never have those coal-black eyes for herself, until he layed off the crack.... (sorry Reishin, I like my drugs hard ^_^!)
Hmm.........maybe Heero would notice if she captured Quatre's heart? He was sweet enough to make Heero see the error of his ways. If Heero witnessed Sandrock's pilot shower her with love and affection, perhaps even a new pony, he would be resentful enough to do the same, wouldn't he? Plus the Winner family had lots of money, so Quatre would understand her perfectly. Yes, Quatre it was.................no wait, didn't Heero and Quatre try to kill each other once? That meant they probably didn't like one another....maybe he wasn't such a good choice. Especially if he was stupid enough to try and fight her sweetheart.
"Hmph, blondes," she said aloofly to herself.
That meant there was only one Gundam pilot left....thank the heavens that they were all endowed with good looks! What was his name again? The clown.....icky, she hated clowns. Ever since her 6th birthday party, when a particularly ugly one dropped a ball he was juggling on her head. Well,that's why clowns weren't appointed the title Queen of the World, she assured herself. Back to the boy. Trowa was his name, Trowa Barton. He was so quiet. She only ever saw him speak to the Arabian pilot. Yes, the strong, silent type, that's what he was. Just like Heero! So if Heero saw that she had tamed Trowa's heart.....then he would finally understand that she should be the one to tame his! Plus, Trowa might even let her play with the circus animals. Oh how she longed to do ridiculous things like hug lions and tug the tails of rhinos again!!!
"And I shall say, hello Trowa, my name is Relena, "she said to herself, extending her hand to no one imparticular, especially since there was no one in the room, "Queen of the World. But you already knew that, didn't you?" She practiced the most alluring smile she could muster. " Are you in need of some loving dear Trowa? No, don't be shy, I will say, just like the girls in the movies do. I know you want me."
She closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and leaned into a kiss with thin air. Yes! That's exactly how things will go! Now all she had to do was practice kissing on her hand again......But first she should tell her father the good news.
"Otousama! Otousama!" she cried in a gleeful manner, reaching over her desk and grabbing a picture frame.
"Aren't you so proud of your wonderful daughter otousama? Soon I will have Trowa infatuated with me, and Heero will be mine!"
There was a knocking at the door.
"Relena sama?" the butler called. " It's time for-"
"I'm talking to father!!!" she yelled. "How many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I am talking to my father?! Leave before I have you fired!!!"
"My sincerest apologies," he called through the door, rolling his eyes. Wearily he backed away from the door, having heard the master say that one too many times.
"I'm sorry about that father...the service has gone downhill since you left...But when I have Heero, things will be perfect!" she promised, clutching the frame to her chest.
And so Relena Darian Peacecraft set out to seize the heart of Trowa Barton.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Step One: Know your prey
"Hello, is this the Winner household?"
"I'm sorry, but we don't want any."
"D-don't want any?"
"Listen little girl, we have enough make-up products in this household to have wiped out an entire species of whale by now. I don't need any of your Mary Kay crap," a particularly grumpy young blonde woman said impatiently.
"M-Mary Kay? I'm sorry but you must be mistaken.....I-"
"You're not from Mary Kay?"
"No, I-"
"Then why in hell do you have a pink car?" she inquired, shading her eyes to get a better look at it. Yeah, she thought, it was pink all right.
"I....I.....I don't quite......"Relena trailed off, frantically wondering why this woman thought pink was such an unusual color for a car.
"Then if you're not from Mary Kay....who are you?"
"I'm here to see Quatre Winner..." Relena replied slightly dazed. "I am Relena Darian Peacecraft, Queen of the World." Her title always boosted her ego, so much that her nose began tilting upward in its usual fashion. "But surely you knew that."
"........Then why in hell do you have a pink car?"
"I...I......I.......what's wrong with pink?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with pink you snobby little--"
"Sister, who's at the door?" a soft and mildly deeper voice called from behind the woman.
"I dunno Quatre," she replied cautiously over her shoulder, keeping her eyes on Relena the whole time. "She says she's Queen of the World, but come check out this car....and this outfit."
"Relena-sama?" Quatre inquired while stepping beside his sister.
"Quatre?"
"I didn't know you worked for Mary Kay."
"I...Quatre I don't! What will it take for me to get inside your house?!"She stomped her foot for emphasis.
"Maybe if you showed some respect to my baby brother Miss Queen of the World, I'd have let you in sooner."
"Hey, he just showed up!"
"Excuses excuses. My dear brother, how do you know such a piece of white trash?"
"White trash?! Why I never!"
"'Why I never', now that makes a whole lot of sense..."
"Now now my dear sister, " Quatre began hastily, sweatdrop rolling of his brow,"Relena- sama is the Queen of the World....We should treat her accordingly. Please come inside Relena."
"I'll show you treating her accordingly..."the blonde woman muttered.
"Sama! Relena-sama! And thank you, finally I can come in!"
She waved away her chaffeur, and self-righteously walked past Quatre and his fuming sister. Quatre kept his teeth clenched in a smile, bowing lightly, while his sister smiled and hastily tried bunching up the rug beneath them in hopes that Relena would trip on a bump. She didn't, and instead began calling for a servant to come put away her coat.
"Is she some ex-girlfriend or something Quatre?" his sibling whispered.
"NO!" he cried, covering his mouth after Relena turned around at the noise, still in search of a servant. "I mean, no, heavens no! I have better taste than that sister!"
"I was going to say, because after dating that, I can see why any man would turn gay,"she said looking down at her brother with an affectionate smile on her face.
Quatre couldn't help but try hard to suppress a laugh, failing miserabley.
"Well, I'd better find out what she wants. It will at least prove to be something comical I can mention to Trowa later on tonight."
*********
There they sat. Looking at one another. Quatre swallowing hard, trying to maintain his composure, Relena smiling and sipping her tea. Which she had asked for of course. So he had had servants bring in tea. And what was tea without tea cakes? Nothing according to Relena-sama. So he'd had the servants bring in tea cakes. With sprinkles. Heart sprinkles. Because according to Relena-sama, tea time was fun time and fun time always included heart sprinkles. That and sugar cubes. All of which were taking their toll on Quatre's nerves, as well as appetite. How she could stomach such sweetness was beyond him.
"Ano, Relena-sama? I hate to interrupt the fun of tea time, but to what do I owe the honor of you visiting the Winner household?" the boy said clasping his hands and attempting to seem like he genuinely cared.
"Ah yes, why I am here. Well it's really kind of a funny situation actually," she began, placing her teacup on the table next to its saucer.
Quatre smiled as brightly as he knew how to. He knew he'd need every ounce of his patience when Relena began a story with those words. It was something akin to when that neighbor you've never spoken to before shows up on the doorstep and goes "Remember that new puppy your family bought that everyone loves a whole lot? Well it's really kind of a funny situation actually, you know you really should have taught that thing to run faster..." and so forth.
"As you might have noticed, Heero and I are taking a breather from our wonderful relationship. After all, one can only take so much of endless adoration, romantic notions, and *cough* passionate sex at a time."
He suppressed a violent urge to shudder and simultaneously vomit at that last comment. This was going downhill already. Relena lifted her teacup again and took another sip.
"So I decided it was time that maybe we should try something new to spice up the relationship. You know, like me dating someone else. I mean, you can't count on passionate sex for everything, right?"
Quatre watched the teacup journey next to the saucer again. It was leaving a stain on his expensive pine wood table.
"Right?"
"Oh...sure."
She picked up the teacup and took another sip of tea.
"And I was thinking, there aren't any decent men around here except for the Gundam pilots, so who better to date? And since I'm so attracted to the mysterious allure of a certain pilot, I thought maybe you could tell me a bit more about him."
She put down the cup again, in the exact same spot as she had before, darkening the ring further. Quatre tried his hardest not to notice that $10,067.89 worth of wood would soon be permanently stained thanks to Relena and her request for black cherry tea.
"I can tell you all about Wufei Relena-sama, although all you had to do was call. No need to travel so far and all."
"It wasn't that--"
"Really, there was no need to," he reinstated a bit more forcefully than he'd meant to.
"Oh." Not quite sure what Quatre was implying, Relena picked up her teacup up again.
"Back to the topic at hand, Wufei wasn't the man I had in mind. I mean who knows what he does to feed that habit!" she winked twice at Quatre, quite pleased with her own joke.
The Arabian stared vacantly at her.
Miffed that she hadn't recieved the laughter she deserved, she started babbl--talking again.
"Anyways, I've heard you're very close friends with 'said' pilot, and I figured you could maybe help me out. I need to know his interests and...stuff. He's soft and gentle and soft- spoken and quiet and......."she continued listing "distinguishing characteristics" to Quatre, who was too busy focusing on the movement of the hand holding the teacup.
If she put that teacup down on his nice furniture one more time he was going to slap her. Whoever heard of such a spoiled brat not understanding the concept of a cup and saucer? A cup and saucer. For the heavens sake, who's mother hadn't yelled at them every time they set a glass down on the wood?! Doesn't she have coasters in her house? That table was a family heirloom...they simply didn't make tables like that anymore! he inwardly sobbed.
"I bet you can't guess who it is Quatre...."she said blushing.
"Who who is?" he asked, snapping out of his angry ponderings.
"Who I like silly!" Relena giggled, placing a hand over her mouth in a stereotypically girly fashion.
Ugh! his mind yelped. The pale blonde pulled back slightly at the shock of seeing the Queen of the World act like a common school girl. Why wouldn't she just ruin his table and leave? He could barely keep his attention focused on her speech; he'd see her lips move but was too busy focusing on ways to dispose of her and her wretched heart sprinkled cakes. Maybe he could get rid of her sooner if he'd pay attention long enough to tell her what she wanted to know. Who she liked, was that it? Why was she asking him that anyways, if anyone knew it ought to be her. For that matter, who else cared.....So it wasn't Heero, couldn't be Heero's boy Duo if she had a gram of sense in her head, but since she didn't it might be Duo, but soft-spoken and Duo would become synonyms the day Trieze and Zechs realized that holding "high ranking officer conferences" consisting of only the two of them wasn't fooling anyone, so it wasn't Duo, she said it wasn't Wufei.................oh no....................A tremendously sick feeling rumbled about in Quatre's gut as he figured it out. No wonder she came all the way to his estate....
"You...........you don't like......me, do you Relena-sama?" he inquired cautiously, not wanting to hear her response. "I'd be flattered, really, but I'm kind of taken and----"
Relena let loose shrieks of ungodly laughter for about 5 minutes straight, much to Quatre's curiosity and annoyance.
"You?" she croaked, out of breath. "YOU?! What girl would want to date you? My god, you're a pink shirt -wearing, sentimental, whining pansy ass who's head not only bloated horrendously when his whimpy Gundam self-destructed, but was lame enough to think he could kill my Heero with some wannabe Gundam he created because he couldn't have his way!!! I said I wanted a man, Quatre, not a hand flipping sissy who's sisters dress him and's surrounded by a harem of men 24-7!!!!"
She started laughing again.
"Man," she gasped between laughs "the way.....you look....when you....cry!!!!"
Sandrock's pilot could not believe his ears.
"You and your 'please surrender! I'm too much of a wuss to kill you!I scream at the sight of blood!!''" she cried out in a poor imitation of Quatre's voice while wiping the tears off of her eyes.
This was too much. And he was about to have a convenient ZERO system flashback if this didn't end soon.
"Then who do you like Relena?" Quatre switched to an extremely strained voice of inquiry.
"'Never fear colony, Quatre and his big bad harem of hot gay me---'"
"Okay, Relena, I get the picture, you don't like me, okay?!"
"And the way you always---"
"Okay, enough already--"
"---scream like a girl who's---"
"All right already would YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP??!!!!" he yelled, jumping out of his chair.
Both of the teens covered their mouths in shock. All of a sudden it was awfully quiet.
"My virgin ears!!!" Relena exclaimed, breaking the silence and dropping the teacup as well.
Quatre still couldn't believe he'd said that. He'd never said the f-word to anyone, aside from Trowa..........in bed............when they...........quick, he thought, think of a lie.....think of a lie...
"Oh! I need my medication! My fu...fu..f-freaking medication! I'm so sorry Relena-sama, I don't normally miss my... my damn doses!" he cried, clutching his head trying to make his spasm look realistic.
Relena went from appalled to confused to concerned as to what this new Quatre might do to her.
"Your....medication? What kind of medication?" she asked wearily.
"Uhhh...my....anti-feminine testosterone medication?" Relena was relieved.
"Good, 'cause let me tell you, you've been needing to take that for awhile now!"
"Uh oh, uh oh...another fit..." Quatre cried aloud, hugging himself.
"Turning...into..teenage girl.....L..l...learn how to use a saucer YOU STUPID BITCH!"
He may start a catfight any minute now! Relena's mind thought frantically.
"Relena..sama....leave before something...bad....happens....to. you...YOU GODDAMN MORONIC WHORE!"
"I think you're right Quatre....I'll talk to you about Trowa some other day.....see you at school..."
She hastily pushed her chair farther from the pine table, stood up, and ran to the double doors, calling for a servant the whole way.
Quatre fell back against his plush chair, chuckling in disbelief. He eyed the stain on the furniture and pondered in awe over what had just occurred. Never in a million years would that scenario have crossed his mind. Such lack of self-restraint was shameful for someone of his stature. But he had to admit, it felt damn good! Trowa and his sisters would both have a good laugh when he told them about today. And oh how he could use his lover's company right about now. Something to take the painful memories of godawful Relena from his mind. When did she say she'd drop by again? She didn't exactly, did she? "I'll talk to you about Trowa some other day......." Good, because he'd had about as much of her as he could take. A nice relaxing bath was what he needed now to calm his nerves. ********
Mind at ease, Quatre moved towards the doors of the room himself.
"Anti-feminine testosterone medication...."he mumbled to himself in humor, placing a hand on the elaborate doorknob.
She really was stupid to believe such a load of garbage. She'd never get Trowa with brains like that.
He shook his golden locks at such an absurd thought, and then it hit him.
Relena Darian Peacecraft wanted Trowa.
His Trowa.
*********
A strangled, unique scream reverberated down the halls of the Winner mansion. More than one servant dropped what they were carrying out of fright and concern. It was only until one of the braver butlers decided that he would trace the noise to its source that the others in the vicinity banded together in search. And eventually, much to their horror, they located the cause. Upon opening the doors to the guest entertainment room, it was what the fear that they had all secretly shared.Someone had left a tea ring on the antique table!
"Master Quatre how could you! Uncle Herman gave you that!" a rather husky maid scolded as she nudged the boy's body with her foot.
*********
Let me know what ya'll think please!