1)Use as many if not all emoticons as possible.
2)Have Hirde and Heero whap each other with paper fans.
3)Have someone use the lines, "Heads Will Roll."
On a bar in L2.
Duo Maxwell aka Shinigami aka pilot of Deathscythe aka the skinny little tyrant who kicked several drunken bullies' asses upon being called 'ojousan' was enjoying a drink on a bar in L2. Actually, he had been enjoying several drinks; he was rather hoping they'd help him dispel the rather *morbid* air he was feeling . Morbidity? From the God of Death? Heavens forbid. The reasons for the rapid sanctuary of drunken stupidity he aspired to were two. Two, just like his name Dual. Or was his name, Deux? It was hard trying to think with all the smiley faces encircling his head, smiling , grinning , staring , and he could swear that one of them was smoking . But the smiley faces did resemble his two reasons. The very two reasons whose constant bickering and arguing and yelling and glaring and hn'ing had driven him to drink.
Heero and Hirde.
Heero and Hirde.
The American didn't realize he had bellowed those two names aloud until an almost empty, slightly crushed beer can clocked him on the head . Blearily he stared at the label on the can - Budweiser. He snarled , throwing it back in the approximate direction from whence it had flown, and yelled, "Oi, whaddaya take me for? At least have the decency to throw me the *good* stuff." Promptly, a Dos Equis can smacked him in the forehead. Duo slurred, "Oh good," before slumping across the table. "Can't have people thinking... I'm cheap..."
At this point, his wish to become unconscious was granted by the Unconscious Pimp Faery , and off he drifted to Unconscious Pimp Faery Land. Needless to say, nevertheless it *will* be said, Duo Maxwell was to have interesting dreams.
Sadly though , the long and quite possibly embarrassing details of his dream were never to be expounded upon because another, more interesting situation appeared on the doorway of the bar in L2.
More specifically, Heero and Hirde.
That's right, Heero and Hirde.
Heero (rhymes with dil and ends with do!) and Hirdie birdie.
Hee~wo baby and Hirdie nerdie.
Moving right along, past the childish puns and right into the next 'action' sequence, the two scuffled for a bit in the doorway, both striving to push past the other to enter the bar on L2 first. Heero won, simply by way of tripping Hilde with his big yellow colored squeaky sneakers. With an expression of in his heart if not on his face, the boy made his way to his slumped over fellow pilot. Hirde followed rapidly on his big yellow colored squeaky heels, though she did take care to keep far away from them .
The two H's (*ecchis*) took opposite positions over the American, glaring at each other for all they were worth. Though by virtue of his very personality and essence (yay essence!), Heero clearly had the advantage. Hilde wilted like the delicate flower she was and conceded the field to her rival gracefully, looking back once to gaze upon her braided, drunken love one more time.
Or so that's how Heero would have the story go.
Though to be honest - if Heero truly were guiding the story, Hilde would be shipped off to a hospital due to non fatal though extremely painful injuries and Duo would be awake and dancing in his lap.
Evil big yellow colored squeaky sneaker clad Heero.
The short haired girl, rolled up her sleeves and cried in her best love struck, determined to win the heart, body, and soul of her beloved green haired seish-... determined to win the heart, body, and soul of her beloved black clad terrorist, "I challenge you, Yuy, to a duel!"
Heero, being the competitive little bastard everyone loved to fantasize about, agreed promptly, "Hn. The challenged picks weapons." He added in his most deadly voice, "I challenge you to... Smash Brothers! N64 squared, SVRIIR style!"
Everyone at the bar, everyone conscious and *not* in Unconscious Pimp Faery Land with Duo, shrank back in terror and fear . Err... terror and fear! .... terror and fear onegai oh great emoticon machine of legend... Close enough! Oh no, not the SVRIIR N64 squared version of Smash Brothers!
Heero and Hirde went to their respective corners and began stripping.
Heero and Hirde stripping in a bar,
S T R I P P I N G
First comes clothes, then comes shoes,
then comes the prop manager with the big headed costumes!
For those *not* in the know the deluxe S(o) V(irtually) R(eal) I(t) I(s) R(eal)N64 squared version of Smash Brothers came with various costumes of the characters, weapons, and little chibi people in the rafters to throw said weapons to the fighting characters. It truly lived up to its advertisement.
Heero, after having several epileptic fits over the lovely variety of pink marshmallow fluffy costumes, chose Yoshi. Green was always a good color on him, and the tongue led to happy happy thoughts.
Hilde chose the ever pink, ever fluffy Kirby. Even if she wasn't a gundam pilot, she still knew when to take every tactical advantage possible. Even if that advantage was pink, fluffy, and made her look as if she gained about 200 lbs in all the wrong places.
And the battle was on!
Heero started off with a bracing jolt of the tail whip to Hilde's knees but faltered in the kill when she made big shiny dark eyed googly eyes at him. He shuddered and hid behind said tail, shaking in his big red squeaky sneakers at the Relena flashbacks . The girl pressed her advantage with several impressive roundhouse kicks and then she ate him. Or more precisely - she sucked him up in her mouth and spat him out. She now wore a cute Yoshi cap on her head and used one of his own moves against him, proceeding to butt slam the "H" (*ecchi*) out of Heero. Eero, never one to take things lying down, wore a grim expression of indifference on his face as he butt slammed the pink marshmallow formerly known as Hirde in return. It looked like a standoff in butt slams with the floor of the bar on L2 taking most of the damage until the chibis from the rafters (included absolutely free of charge in the SVRIIR N64 squared set, get yours now!) began randomly chucking down weapons. Both Heero and Hilde grabbed the white paper fan and began whapping at each other.
"Duo isn't gay. And even if he was, he wouldn't like you." *THWAP*
~For the benefit of the non- hn'ese speakers in the audience, we will now translate Heero's grunts into actual words.~
"Hn." He isn't gay; he's bi. But he still doesn't like you, you beret'ed Noin wanna be. *THWAP*
"What did you call me??? You... you big footed, spandex wearing *freak*." *THWAP*
"HN." Nobody talks about my feet that way. *THWAP*
"Oooh, touchy aren't we? Big Foot! Big Foot! Big Foot!" *THWAP*
"... Omae o korosu." hn. *THWAP*
"I'd like to see you try, big foot." *THWAP*
"H-n." You want a piece of me, little miss domestic? Come and get it. *THWAP*
"You make me so mad; I don't know *what* Duo sees in you." *THWAP*
"...hn." ... my BIG FEET of course. *THWAP**THWAP*
"Argghh!!! You *ecchi*. What do you have to offer him?" *THWAP**THWAP**THWAP*
"Hn - hn." Besides the big feet? I look better in sunglasses than you do. *THWAP* *THWAP**THWAP**THWAP*
"Prove it!" *THWAP*
Heero paused to grab the ever present sunglasses from Duo's coat pocket, slipping them on with a smirk . "Hah." Hn. *THWAP**THWAP**THWAP**THWAP*
Hilde sobbed in defeat; she looked absolutely *horrible* in sunglasses whilst Heero looked... damned good for a potential boyfriend stealing, big red colored squeaky sneaker clad freak in a Yoshi costume. "I have lost this time, Yuy, but make no mistake about it - I will be back!" She vanished in a dramatic *poof* of smoke. Actually the chibis dangling from the rafters, (still available- still absolutely free in the SVRIIR N64 squared Smash Brothers set. Get them while they last!!!) hooked a cane around her, dropped a smoke pellet, and rapidly pulled her up to join them in the rafters. (She was never heard from again - the chibis may be free but their services certainly weren't. Rumors had it that she disappeared under suspicious circumstances after refusing to pay the chibi mafia back for the charges incurred in her behalf.)
Heero rolled his eyes at her dramatics and stooped over a still snoring and hopefully more sober Duo. He shook the black clad pilot awake gently. He was rather startled when the American suddenly shot straight up in his seat and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Heads will roll!" Then Duo blinked blearily at his surroundings while Heero, resignation set clearly on his features, fended off unwanted empty beer cans (domestic or not).
"The Red Queen dream again?"
"Yeah... Hey, Heero, I could'a sworn I heard Hilde's voice..."
"She had to wash her hair." Heero handed Duo his leather jacket, making sure to surreptiously slip the sunglasses back into the pocket. He nearly smirked in satisfaction - Stealth was his middle name. They slowly made their way back home; Duo draped over Heero's right side for support of course.
"... Oi, Heero?"
"Any particular reason you're wearing a Yoshi costume?"
Ok, maybe Stealth *wasn't* his middle name. (It was actually Egbert, but Heero certainly wasn't telling. )
"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."
"... Heero, that is *such* a cheese eating line."
"I thought you liked big feet?" Heero showed off the nice shiny big red squeaky sneakers that came with the Yoshi costume.
"Oooooh, baby! Come to Daddy Duo."
"Duo! Shit, I don't think there's room for two in h..."
Duo's voice, a bit muffled, drifted up. "You were saying?"
"... I've got at least 7 more costumes."
And if the Yoshi staggering down the streets at midnight appeared a bit lopsided/drunk/staggering/lumpy, the observant pedestrian wisely stayed out of the way, shrugged deeper into their coats, and walked that much faster.
After all, they could expect no less from patrons on a bar on L2.
*snickers* Lessee... Smash Brothers is a N64 game by Nintendo where you get to see major Nintendo charas (Pikachu, Mario, Yoshi, etc.) beat the crap out of each other ^^ And yes, there *are* white paper fans as weapons though me 'nd my sibs prefer the mallet o' doom Yoshi has a *HUGE* tongue, and huge sneakers as do... almost all the nintendo charas *coughs* *looks away* Ah... I think the fic speaks for itself *runs away*
Forward Harch to the sequel!