She loves you
3.7.01
Disclaimers: No bishounen were hurt in the making of this fic. All property not belonging to me were put back in place after the making of this fic (alas!) *whimpers* Oh dear gods.. I was trying to work on another fics but unfortunately this songfic got stuck in my head, and well >.< It sort of explains itself …
Things in () usually indicate flashbacks. The lyrics were owned by the ever talented Mr. Lennon and Mr. McCartney ^_^
Heero sits stiffly, Indian style, on the shoulder of his gundam. His gaze is far away as it contemplates the moon.
And exactly how much c-4 it would take to blow said moon up. Blue eyes turn contemplative as he quickly comes up with, then discards the various profiles the moon could be shaped into.
Spandex shorts? Too self-referential. He might as write, Pilot 1 wuz here.
A self destruct device? Resembled a certain feminine hygienic product too much. Open season could be justifiably opened on himself by all self proclaimed feminists.[1]
Heero is interrupted in his thoughts by a mildly unusual sight.
Chibi Pargans dance all around his seated form, wearing black tuxes and an obsequious grin. They sing
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.With each 'yeah yeah yeah', the chibis mosh along but carefully, as if afraid their non existent necks will give way and their gray headed oversized chibi heads will roll away.
Heero stares and starts laughing in that nasally, I will blow up you and your pink limo sort of way he has. He then whips out an arcane device (ie the gun used on NES sets for such rare gems as Duck Hunt and uh… Say, isn't that the only game the gun was compatible with?) and proceeds to line up the dancing gray heads (insert very squicky hentai image here) within the cheap plastic cross hairs.[2]
He pauses though at another mildly surprising but certainly more welcome sight. His partner, a black clothed hottie with destructive tendencies to rival his own, scurries up the side of Wing.
Tis Duo.
And suddenly life is a better place.[3]
Until he starts to sing with an evil look in his wide eyes.
YOU THINK YOU'VE LOST YOUR LOVE,
(Heero scuttling down the side of building, with only a spare change of shorts and desktop clutched in his jaws. He jumps the last negligible 30 feet or so, rolls, and hightails it out of there. Only moments later does a certain blonde head pop out with her mating call.)
WELL, I SAW HER YESTERDAY-YI-YAY.
(Duo's casually browsing through a vintage comic book stores when he hears said mating call. He blinks, scratches his nose, and casually strolls out the door to see what's new and shaking with the Peacecraft.)
IT'S YOU SHE'S THINKING OF
(Repeat said mating call again and again and well…)
AND SHE TOLD ME WHAT TO SAY-YI-YAY.
(Relena latches onto Duo's hand like a rabid dog to a mailman's ass and presses volumes of expensive, pink hued stationary into his hand.)
SHE SAID SHE LOVES YOU
(She then beseeches him with the shimmering blue eyed look which most shoujo girls seem to have mastered at puberty. Only gundam wing is shounen, which is too damned bad for her. The blonde one stalks off pressing her messages to her go- err her worshipped into any and all that passes by.)
AND YOU KNOW THAT CAN'T BE BAD.
(Duo peers down blindly at the missives in his hand. An evil look of glee, perfected only by sadistic genius villains or just people with far too much time on their hands, briefly flashes across that normally cherubic face. Ah… yeah, cherubic.)
YES, SHE LOVES YOU
(A cry of 'kekekekekeekekee' echoes in Duo's voice and heart.)
AND YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD.
(And somewhere out there, Quatre clutches his heart and passes out, face down, in Trowa's lap. And yes, an entirely appropriate image of hentainess can be inserted here. Especially since Trowa just put down the nipple clamps and black leather gloves regretfully in favor of resuscitating his beloved.)At the panicked and suddenly feral gleam in Heero's eyes, Duo practically glows with satisfaction. (No pregnancy jokes please. Insert drool worthy hentai image here. Entirely nonsequitor but every songfic with bishounen should have one or two or more smut scenes than even little hentai grope bunnies like Ataru, Kintaro, and Carrot can spank their monkeys to. Not that they would considering which way they swing, but you never know. )[4] He rocks back and forth, from toe to heel, grinning like the mildly delusional but still fashion conscious pilot of Death he is.
Heero eyes that grin and makes up his mind. He dives over the side of Wing Gundam, that same spare change of spandex and laptop between his teeth, rolls, and scurries down the shore. Only this time, the chibi Pargons are firmly attached the back of his knees in a conga line of immensely bizarre proportions.[5]
Further down the beach, he encounters Wufei who is drowsing in the sun. The darker haired boy spares only a pithy look at the pilot and his attach-ees before giving a little half yawn. Wufei throws several distinctly scented party invitations Heero's way before returning to sunbathing. He barely moves his lips as he sings lazily.
SHE SAID YOU HURT HER SO,
(Several pictures of Heero lie scattered all around a happily humming Relena. Wufei walks in on the scene after being alerted to this newest crisis in the life of Relena by Noin. His duty as a Preventer calls. He arches a brow. Half of the pictures have little hearts and scribbles all over them. The other half have burn/scratch/gnawed on marks marring them.)
SHE ALMOST LOST HER MIND.
(Suddenly, she senses another presence and her eyes immediately glaze over. Relena eyes Wufei as she would a brand new doll to dress up and to play with. Wufei wisely decides that if a strong person like Heero will run in the face of this particular onna, Nataku will surely not mind if he does too.)
BUT NOW SHE SAYS SHE KNOWS
(But it's too late as Relena, in a surprisingly strong grip, grabs Wufei-kins by the pants, yanks, and beholds the true staff of Shenlong.)
YOU'RE NOT THE HURTING KIND.
(She simply blinks, shrugs, grabs a much kissed and drooled upon spare set of spandex shorts, a green tank top that Heero had once bled on, and smelly yellow sneakers which Duo had thrown away. Much chaos ensues.)
SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU
(A bleeding, scratched, and bitten Wufei is seated on a couch with a Relena glomped onto his arm. He is dressed in the 'outfit' Relena has chosen for him. She constantly purrs into his ears her mating call.)
AND YOU KNOW THAT CAN'T BE BAD.
(Noin walks in on this little domestic scene and immediately exits. She returns with a camera and begins taking pictures.Weak onnas, hah.
And no, she wasn't bitter about her first encounter with her first gundam pilot. Nope nope nope nope. A hapless little spooky sort of giggle escapes her lips.)
YES, SHE LOVES YOU
(Wufei, after having escaped, reports to Lady Une, or whichever personality is in control at that particular moment. When asked how he escaped, he mumbles something about Noin having a more similar haircut to Heero than himself and how it only took a little suggestion…)
AND YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD, -OO-.
(He is assigned four weeks of paid vacation. He quietly refuses the discreet offer of a therapist. Wufei knows something *much* better to get him through this particular traumatic experience.)A smirk passes his lips as Wufei watches Heero grunt and run down the shore, scattering those invitations in his wake.
All this and Nataku too. He pats the bulge in his shorts then draws out the 1/144 scale model of his beloved gundam from within.
The conga line of chibis continues to chant.
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD.Heero continues to run down the never ending stretch of beach. Eventually he comes upon an all beef hot dog stand run by Hirde. The short haired girl eyes the chibi Pargons with a raised eyebrow but disdains to comment. She does offer him a discount for the hot dog (plain but with mustard), lemonade (hand squeezed with pulp!), and the chili fries with a double order of onions (Relena repellant….). She glances up at the sky, laughs, then points above.
In bold jet fart… err sky writing, Relena's mating call is printed in big fat, bubbly pink letters for all to behold. Hilde sings.
YOU KNOW IT'S UP TO YOU,
(Hilde and Relena are shopping, well Relena's shopping while Hilde looks for the nearest exits, all of them are blocked off by stern faced, muscle bulging, goons in black suits. It's Hilde's turn to be a Relena companion.)
I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR.
(Relena preens and tries on several jaw achingly pink dresses. When she starts eyeing the wedding dresses in speculation, Hilde's eyes start rolling and they show a tinge of white.)
PRIDE CAN HURT YOU TOO,
(It isn't long before Hilde's dressed up as a bridegroom with a pink wedding dress clad Relena humming in front of a three sided mirror.)
APOLOGIZE TO HER
(Suddenly, Dorothy swings by a la George of the Jungle only she's dressed in a black slinky body suit that has to be painted on and drops soundlessly in front of the pair.)
BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU
(She then challenges Hilde to a hand to hand, no holds barred, all Jacks wild, studs to be neutered MORTAL KOMBAT. Hilde accepts, desperate for anything to be away from Relena even unconsciousness.)
AND YOU KNOW THAT CAN'T BE BAD.
(Relena blushes, flushes, and fusses that two girls are fighting over her.)
SHE LOVES YOU
(That particular illusion is quickly shattered as the Celebrity Deathmatch sort of fight degenerates (escalates?) into a grappling, groping sort of fest.)
AND YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD, -OO-.
(Relena's scream breaks most of the mirrors in the store and the two disheveled girls beat a hasty retreat, hands wandering and giggling all the way.)And the chibis sing, kicking up their stubby little legs in a two time swing. They begin to multiply and swim around Heero in a tornado from Oz sort of way. They gibber and jabber and screech and scream. Heero scoots down in the sand, attempting to bury himself face first. Only he doesn't have any plastic shovel and bucket on hand and sort of worms himself in, big yellow sneakers (not quite as smelly or ratty as the ones Relena forced on Wufei) flopping helplessly.
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD.Relena screams and wakes up, hands trembling over her face. A nightmare, it was a nightmare. With fingers still unsteady, she speed dials a certain number.
WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE GLAD.The phone continuously rings in a darkened room and a hand finally picks up after the seventh ring or so. Heero glares into the vid phone link, recognizing that stuttering, babbling voice instantly. Duo peers over his shoulder and gives a little wave at Relena. She apologizes continuously.
WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD
BE GLAD.Duo rolls his eyes and waves his hand in a noblesse oblige gesture. He flops back down to sleep, stealing most of the covers that way. Heero transfers his glare from the girl on the monitor to his bedmate. Finally, he ends the phone call with a terse, "Apology accepted" and disconnects the call. Heero eyes his cover hogging mate with anticipation in his eyes. He quickly jumps the lump of braid and blanket that is Duo Maxwell.
Only to find himself flying over said lump and onto the hard floor. Duo, having predicted that move, had just as quickly extended his legs so Heero catapulted over him. He rolls around on the bed in a fit of laughter and continues laughing even when Heero pulls him down, blanket and all, to the floor.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.Owari
Notes:
[1]I remember… when Utako-san was designing an animated gif for the various things Duo would pull out of the mailbox, there was an ongoing debate as to what it was….
[2] You remember! The days before SNES or Playstation or Dreamcast or… *eyes everyone around her suspiciously*
[3] Well it does…
[4]The hentai-estß- tis a word? O.O anime boys I could think of hehe… From Lum, Goldenboy, and Bakuretsu Hunters.
[5] Like… Yoshi when he's carrying around the little eggs he has to throw….