Ken Saves the Day! In which Prophecies are fulfilled (Sort of): Part 2
Life was a bliss filled fuzzy haze.
-He has arrived!!-
Life was a bliss filled fuzzy haze and a loud voice.
~Oh quit it with the CAPITALIZED EXCLAMATIONS. And what *is* it with your punctuation. Did you never *take* Moments of
Fulfilled Prophecies 101 or did you skip right to Delusions of Self Godhood?~
Life was a bliss filled fuzzy haze with two loud voices. Arguing. Loudly. Irritably.
-How dare you?!!-
~You want to see just *how* much I’ll dare, buddy boy?~
Life was no longer a bliss filled fuzzy haze, but the middle of an argument with two cantankerous contenders. If he played dead, would the bliss filled fuzzy haze return?
-OH MY GOD! He’s not breathing! He’s deceased; he’s no longer of this world; he’s kicked the bucket; he’s gone to another dimension!!-
~Are you channeling old BBC channels again?~
-OH MY GOD!-
~Calling upon a god at this point is sort of redundant and WILL you quit pulling at our hair!?!?!?!?!?!?!~
-……And you were so snidely commenting on *my* usage of punctuation marks?-
-Go suck eggs!-
~She’s yours too!~
-Wait, that wasn’t me.-
-Oh! PROPHECIED SAVIOR from another world, heed my call and help us in our time of need.
Ken pretended to be dead again. He was very good at that sort of thing, having experienced near death so many times.
~Well, damn. You killed him.~
-He’s not dead!-
~He certainly looks it.~
-I most certainly did *not* kill him!-
~..... You killed the last one.~
-Well, that was the *last* one. This one’s not my fault.-
-Besides, he had a weak heart.-
-And he hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning; I’m always telling you how just *important* breakfast is.-
-And his previous wound hadn’t healed completely yet!! He didn’t take good care of himself! A half healed hero is a dead hero.-
-The vitamins…… dear gods the vitamins he never took, the milk he never drank, the healers he refused to see - all these things add up!-
-And look he’s not dead! He’s crawling away!-
~Of course he’s not dead! The corpse that we sent back to his own dimension just last week was a figment of your imagination. Of course he’s not dead. He didn’t keel over from shock when you SCREAMED in his head like a friggin GIRL!
Sure! Right! Yeah! Sure!~
-Just what are you talking about? I mean *this* one, the other one’s as cold as your sister’’s libido. He’s not dead!-
~Oh…… She’s your sister too.~
At this point, Ken thought it prudent to accelerate his stealthy Don’t Look At Me I’m Just A Random Figment Of Your
Imagination crawl to the more efficient but hardly sneaky Oh SHIT Aya’s On A Cleaning Rampage And Has The Rubber Gloves On run.
It didn’t work that last time, and it didn’t work this time. One of the reasons being that the voices were actually *inside* his head. So it was hardly practical trying to outrun them.
This did not mean that Ken did not most assiduously try.
Eventually though, reality and stamina caught up to the befuddled Weiss man, and he paused for breath. It did not even give pause to the voices arguing in his head.
-Well, this one’s certainly a lot healthier than the last one. Look at him run!-
~Wonderful. Maybe this one’ll last longer.~
-Well, I never!-
~Yeah, you *think* you never - the right hand never knows what the left one’s up to, eh?~
-That made no sense. Can we quit this clever banter and get on with it?- ~Oh, fine.~
-*AHEM* Oh! PROPHECIED SAVIOR from another world, heed my call and help us in our time of need! You have been brought forth from your nation to step onto the shores of our nation. Be heroic, be courageous, be all that you can be! Your birth was prophesied from the beginning of time. Your name has been whispered on the winds of change and recorded upon the Scrolls of Prophecy. Babes, wholesome yet tasty meatpies, cloth chains, and taverns have been named after you. Maidens swoon for a look from your smouldering eyes; warriors lust to join you in comradeship. Kings, emperors, nay even GODS, await the earth trembling events you will render unto them. So go forth brave warrior and fulfill your destiny!-
~That was utter and complete SHIT.~
-I thought it was rather well done.-
~Yeah, it would have been great if the poor sod knew what the hell you were talking about. Look at that empty headed, bovine eyed look on his face.~
~Shut up. You’ll know when I’m talking to you when I *address* you.~
-Oh, that was just mean. You are a very unpleasant person. No wonder mother didn’t like you much-
~You keep mother out of this. Now, you. Yes, you, I’m talking to you.~
~Do you see any other hero types walking around with voices in their heads? No, don’t answer that.~
“I’m not a hero; I’m an as-“ Now here, Ken paused. Aya had warned him about this. Omi had warned him about this. Youji had warned him about this. Then he had been goosed by Youji, but that wasn’t important right now. Even, the red head from *Schwartz* had warned him about this. One did not go announcing, ‘I am an assassin’, to everyone one met. Ken thought this particularly unfair. It had only happened once, and who knew that the cute little nine year old soccer fan was actually a forty year old midget named Billy John, hired by a corrupt, nameless foreign government to get information on Weiss. Really, who knew?
“An as- assistant soccer coach.”
-Can assistant soccer coaches *be* heros?-
~Well, this one’s going to be a hero, whether he be an assistant soccer coach or let’s say... an assassin!~
“Well, I *can’t* be a hero! I have no training for this sort of thing, and I really have to get back to my job and where am I?” The poor boy looked around frantically. This was not Tokyo! Where were its sky scrapers, neon signs, crowds of people, and smog? Oh, look a cow...
~He catches on fast, doesn’t he?~
-Oh, leave the poor dear alone. It’s not every day you end up being transported to another dimension in dire straits in order to save it and become a HERO.-
A light went off. Or on depending on whether or not the glass was half full or half empty. “I don’t have a choice about this, do I?”
-Of *course* you have a choice. But really wouldn’t you rather save the world, meet a few quirky yet loyal hearted companions, a cute pastel and bouncy mascot, gain a love interest only to lose it in the heart breaking yet inevitable ending upon which you return to your own world?-
~Or you could just mope around doing nothing until you *die* cause you sure as fuck ain’t getting back to your world.~
-There is that.-
Ken sighed. There was such a thing as the inevitable, and apparently, he had just met it. “What do I have to do?”
-Oh, splendid. I knew this would work.-
~You poor dumb sap.~
-Hush. Now, first gather unto ye three bishounen outstanding warriors of virile yet appealing slimness, sparkling large eyes, and rosy cheek. Bishounen who have non fabulous hair which does *not* do that flippy blowy thing in the wind need not apply. Second, set out and find these items: A, B, C. Third, find the most holiest of grails, the most blessed of objects, the purest of all that is right and good in this land: The Celestial Cherry.-
~Find three companions, find three items, find the jackpot, then you get to go home.~
“Oh. All right then.” Just then, a horrid fear struck to the very core of Ken. “You guys aren’t going to be in my head all the time, are you?”
-Don’t be absurd, of course not!-
Oh, well then. Save the world, gather some companions in a foreign world without knowing anything about it while battling an evil force (Ken automatically assumed there was an evil force because that’s just the way it was done. And he was right too.). *Without* the voices in his head. It was entirely doable.
-We’ve just been insulted.-
~At least he has *some* brains. There’s a village right over that hill; you’ll find your first leg of the journey there. Good luck. We’ll be dropping in now and again.~
“To help me?”
~No, to make fun of you for no reason other than we can.~
-Of course to help you! He was just fooling. Sort of. Ta then!-
“Um. Good bye?” And off Ken marched, well he sort of trodded, across the field, waving hi to the cow, and went over the hill.
~Do we have any back ups?~
-Hold on... Nope, that’s the last of them.-
"I can still hear you."
~We are not the voices in your head. They have left your mind. We are your subconscious.~
His silence was answer enough.
-_- Poor Ken. More to come, expect more cameos. *g* Hopefully faster than this chapter has come out XD Thanks for all the comments ^_^ I still haven't quite figured out how to reply or even if it is possible to reply... eheh. Now that all that boring premise stuff is over with, we can get to the fun part XD
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