Psychotic Version of Snow White
Once upon a parody fic, in a colony far far away, there lived a Queen who shall go unnamed 'cause he doesn't want his parents to find out about his cross dressing habits or his live in lover but anyways... So this "Queen" wished and wished and wished and wished some more.. which pro'lly would have done him err her more use if s/he lived in Gaea or Cefiro... but again to go back on topic... s/he wished for a babe.
"Oh, if this babe would have one brown bang, green sparkling eyes, and incredible hand-eye coordination, not to mention a predilection for having knives thrown at him." We shall not speculate on what was going through the Queen's mind while s/he wished this...
But the fates, also the ones responsible for that funny smell in one's refrigerator, took pity on this "Queen" and granted the wish.
One babe was born, named Trowa... again we will not speculate what was going through the Queen's mind when s/he was born. He was always dressed in the finest of baggy pants, widest of shoes, and pieces of masks. The Queen was growing ever stranger, until one day even the King noticed, and s/he was hauled off to Ye Merry Olde Looney Bin, singing "I'm Henry's ninth Wife I am, I am."
The King obtained a quiet divorce with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye. "'S good to be the king." The new wife, this one a real woman by the name of Lady Une, became greatly jealous of Trowa's abilities to backflip not to mention his errr . . . killer fashion sense. She would frequenly look into her magic compact and ask. "Mirror, Mirror in my hand, who's the fairest in the land."
And the mirror, a rather bored looking young man with blonde hair and facial problems of his own would always answer. "You are oh lady fair." He had learned rather quickly that being shot at was no fun.
Lady Une would smirk and tuck the compact away for another day.
Then the inevitable happened. As Trowa grew older, and more agile, not to mention gaud-- more fashionable in his clothes, Lady Une asked the mirror once more. "Mirror, Miror in my hand, who's the fairest in the land."
The blonde smirked and brushed at his mask absently. "You, lady, are fair 'tis true but young prince Trowa far outshines you."
Lady Une smiled coldly and withdrew her favorite pearl handed gun, reserved for such specific purposes. She shot the protesting compact twice and hurled it out the window. There, the king while wandering through his rose garden, picked it up and opened it. His blue eyes shimmered and his long eyebrows twitched as he spotted the young man. Ah. Another beauty who he could make his err . 'Queen' "Have you considered an alternate lifestyle?, " the king purred.
The blonde man blinked and shook his long blonde hair out. "You think?"
So the soon to be replaced Queen sent out Prince Trowa to find some wild animals for him to train with the hunter Cathrine to protect him. As Trowa happily cartwheeled and backflipped through the woods, she quickly raised knives to cut off his hair and bring back the bang of the prince. But her heart grew soft as she watched him stick his head in the various animals of the forest, amazed at how he could tame them all.
She motioned for the prince to quickly hie himself off into the woods. She would cut off the hide of a passing porcupine to present to the soon to be displaced Queen as Trowa's bang.
So Trowa quickly somersaulted through the woods, seeking shelter. Into the woods he flipped, until he came upon a small cottage.
He had to stoop low to enter said cottage and noticed eight pairs of everything laid out neatly. No sooner had he fallen asleep, flipping through woods was harder than it looked, than 8 chibi men marched in. Trowa, being a rather light sleeper, immediately awoke and goggled at the sight before his eyes. 8 chibis stood at the foot of the bed, blinking at him curiously. What made this encounter even stranger was that 4 of the chibis wore all black and had a long braid, while the other 4 had a grim expression and tight spandex shorts.
One of the braided chibis spoke. "What brings you to the humble cottage of the seven chibis, traveler?"
Trowa blinked... twice and spoke slowly for the first time in this fic. "There are... 8 of you."
All the chibis looked shocked or at least the braided ones did. The spandex chibis managed an expression of faint... stoicness. "But there are only 7 of us." And the head braided chibi counted all. "See, only 7."
Trowa noted that the head chibi had failed to count himself. "No, there are 8 of you... count yourself in as well."
"Nani?" The braided chibi's face scrunched up and ordered braided chibi #2 to count. Again, the other braided chibi counted all... but himself. The other chibis nodded in agreement with this accurate assessment.
The uni banged boy sighed and gave them up for a lost cause. He told them of the deep hatred the Queen had for himself as well as his flight through the woods. The braided chibis cooed and the spandex chibis... grunted and welcomed in their newest live in.
Thus came the prince to live with the 7butthey'rearereally8 chibis. His life was filled contentment for the braided chibis were friendly when not harvesting souls for their Lord of the Underworld, and the spandex chibis were ok when they weren't trying to self destruct in their little beds after wetting in said little beds.
All was well until the Queen asked her newest device, a magic 8 ball, " 8 ball, 8 ball, who's the fairest of them all." And the ball would either answer with yes, no, or maybe.. which left the slightly deranged queen happy.
Then one day the 8 ball answered. "Get a life you cow, you'll never beat Prince Trowa in looks or fashion sense. Do you even know what the king is doing with that compact mirror of yours???"
And so once more the Queen grew enraged and shot the 8 ball before chucking that one into the toilet, clogging up Ye Merry Olde Royal Toilet System in a really nasty way.
The Queen decided that she had to take matters into her own hands. She promptly dressed as a friendly woodland creature, determined to get rid of Prince Trowa once and for all.
At the cottage, she scratched at the door and mewled pitifully. Trowa took one look at her and promptly tried to stick his pointy li'l head into her mouth. After several.. awkward moments, she managed to extract herself and offered Trowa the poisoned mask. The prince took it, promptly placed it on his head, and slumped gracefully to the ground after one final backflip.
The Queen gleefully scampered back to the castle where she learned that the king was divorcing her and marrying the compact. This was the final crack in her sanity, and she too was carted away to Ye Merry Olde Looney Bin.
The chibis sadly gathered around the fallen body of their friend. The braided chibis, for some reason, couldn't draw out the soul of their friend, so they sealed Trowa's body in a huge ass see through gundam coffin, complete with self destruct... which wasn't much use since Trowa was dead but the spandex chibis insisted.
Then came the Knight in Shining Armor on the prerequisite White Horse. Why, it was Prince Quatre of Sandrock. He spotted the mysteriously masked beauty asleep and thought -My, such beauty and fashion sense. Perhaps I should awaken him with a kiss- But Trowa did not awaken. Quatre tried everything. Playing the violin, tickling, braiding the bangs in intricate designs, but alas Trowa still did not awaken.
Finally, with a gleam in his blue eyes and a quirk to his cheerful lips, Quatre decided to use the good old fashioned Grimm's method of awakening prince(ss) *see their version of Sleeping Beauty as an example, of course Trowa won't become preggers... not in this fic at any rate...* ... But still after much wrestling and groping and satisfied sighs on Quatre's part, Trowa did not awaken.
Frustrated, the blonde prince removed the mask to see his beloved's face. And lo and behold, Trowa's eyes fluttered open. The first thing the formerly slumbering prince was to flush and gather up his scattered baggy pants, noting in relief that his huge floppy shoes were in place. Quatre bent at the waist and introduced himself.
"Will you do the honor of being my Queen?"
Trowa stared into those blue eyes and asked. "Were you the one playing such sweet music during my slumber?"
"Then I accept."
As the two kissed, the chibis fluttered onto the scene, gaping at the two naked boys in the middle of the gundam coffin. But when they saw Trowa's smile, they realized it was true love at first *cough*....
And so the braided chibis gleefully concluded. "Ninmu..."
And the spandex chibis uttered. "Kanryou." and then carried off the braided chibis for.. *cough* read "Chibi's Mating Habits."
And everyone lived happily ever after... even the two ex queens living in Ye Merry Olde Looney Bin where they found true happiness in worshipping the God Pocky.
Ye Merry Olde Ende.
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