Not so Psychotic Version of Princess and the Pea

Once upon a parody.. no...

Once in a gay kingdom... no....

Argggghhh!!! I need an intro.. chotto *beams* this is two, no three lines long now.. This is the intro!!

So anyways, there was a kingdom...

*map of said kingdom plops down*

and there was a castle...

*gloomy old drafty castle plops down*

There was a cobalt eyed psychopathic prince...

*Heero plops down*

Heero: Omae o korosu!

Oooh, I didn't know you cared *giggles* *sweatdrop* ... There was even a king and a queen!!

*Trowa and Quatre plops down*

Hmm, *points at Trowa* You can be king... if only that I wanna see your bang try to handle a crown.


Quatre: Oh goody, a dress.... *does fair good impression of Monty Python's peasants*

*instantly Trowa's in a crown.. and nothing else!*

Trowa:... *blush*

Quatre: *ogles*

*cough* What I meant was, Trowa was dressed in a typically king like outfit.. with bang sticking straight out above the crown!! And Quatre was dressed in a lovely pink and white lace dress.

Quatre: *wing zero glare*

*sweatdrop*... a nice blue and white elegant gown rather....

And because the prince wished to marry a person who was as gun crazed and trigger happy as he was, he asked his... parents... if he could hold a contest of sorts.

Heero:... *cleans gun with smirk on face*

Quatre: *whispers to Trowa*.. He takes after your side of the family!! *points to knife happy Cathrine*

Trowa:.... *tries, unsuccessfully, to smooth out bangs*

If the candidate wishes to marry the cobalt eyed psychopathic prince , he .. she.. that person must name the make and model of the gun the bullet came from. It will be placed under... *takes a deep breath* 12 layers of goosedown, 4 layers of silk, 6 layers of inferior linen, 2 pillows, 3 button down jackets, one wicked witch, one inter dimensional time/space traveling type portal TM, and *carols* one Chibi Duo in a self destruct tre.. errr one partridge in a pear tree rather... And the person wishing to win Heero's cute little spandex covered butt in.. ummm to win Heero's hand in matrimony must lie on top of a~~ll those items to play .. Guess the Bullet TM!

The announcement was spread far and wide. The first candidate up was *drum roll* *kazoo fan fare*


Wufei: Nani???

Ha~i. Wu-chan was the first candidate to try his luck on Guess the Bullet! ... TM.. *flashes applause sign*

Wufei: Was not!

Was too.

Wufei: Was not!!!

Was too.

Wufei: Was.. Arggghhhh!!! *tries to clutch hair but since it was plastered to his head..* Woman!!!


Wufei: Why would I want to marry that .. that... that....

cobalt eyed psychopathic prince?

Wufei: Yes!! Why would I want to marry him??

I dunno... why would you want to Wu-chan?

Wufei: *reflectively* Well, he's ok looking, has a certain cobalt eyed psychopathic charm... And Duo seems to be satisfied with their sex life.. *realizes what he's saying* Aaaaaaaaaarrgghhhh!!!

Don't worry... you won't actually succeed, the first one never does...

Wufei: Are you insulting my intelligence, woman??

Well... if you do guess right, I guess you can marry Spandex Bo- .. Spandex Prince.

Wufei: *eyes cross at dilemma.... to defend his pride or to avoid marrying Heero, to defend his pride...*

*cough* while he's deciding... *boots him into the fic*

Wufei: *shrieks, chibifies, and flails* Foul Play!!!

I know....

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Quatre: Trowa, to my chambers! *blinks innocently as they stare at him* Oops, now why did I say that for... what I meant was. Guards, drag Wufei kun to the chambers!

Heero: *looks up from cleaning guns* ... and the bed is rigged with explosives...

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Wufei: *thrown in* Iyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *cry suddenly cut off and not by a boom either so nyah nyah*

*Overwhelming silence follows, interrupted only by the sound of a cobalt eyed psychopathic prince cleaning his gun.. then an annonymous voice TM squeals.

Annonymous Voice TM: Waaaaai! Waaaaaaai! Wu~~~fei!

Wufei: *shrieks* Hanase!!

AVTM: Wu~~~fei~~!!!

Wufei: No!! Not those.. *whimpers*

AVTM: Ooooo *croons* justice flannel jammies, with the cute covered feet and butt flap that opens...

Wufei: Iyaaa.....

AVTM: *mad giggling*

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

*shrugs* I told you there was an inter dimensional time/ space traveling type portal TM in there. Hmmm, one down, two to go... So the next candidate is *pauses*

Treize: *walks swifly to said bed and jumps into the inter dimensional time/space traveling type portal TM*

Lady Une: *follows him wielding tweezers, rope, weed wacker, and handcuffs*


Quatre: I know, Trowa. Those are our handcuffs!

Heero: *continues cleaning gun*

Ano... moving right along, the next candidate was...

Zechs: Excuse me.

Quatre: Yes?

Zechs: Have you seen a man in a uniform *holds hand up* this high, followed by a tweezer wielding mad woman?

Trowa: *points silently to explosive ridden bed*

Zechs: Thank you. *politely bows and jumps into inter dimensional time /space traveling type portal TM*

Within the ... portal TM

Zechs: Get your hands off him!

Une: Mine! Treize-sama, those eyebrows have to go... *approaches tied up Trieze with tweezers and weed whacker in hands*

Treize: *breathes deeply in and out in an attempt not to hyperventilate* .. Milliard, I'd appreciate your assisstance. *peers down* Oh, look at the chibi Wufeis... *pauses* Why are there chibi Wufeis?

*Suddenly Omen music starts playing, the entire inter dimensional time /space traveling type portal TM darkens, thunder crashes, lightening flashes, chibi Wufeis squeal, and a voice speaks out*

AVTM: Wuuu~uuufeee~eeei~~!!.. *peers at chaos*.. Oh, hullo.. who you? *clutches normal sized flailing Wufei*

Zechs: *pauses in wrestling Une for tweezers and weed wacker* Oh, just passing through...

AVTM:.. oh kays.. *eyes Treize who is eyeing the chibi Wufeis* .. no funny ideas from you Mr. Eyebrow Man.

Trieze: *muses* What would one do with so many of them?

Wufei: *grunts* Don't ask.

AVTM: *beams* Ya, don't ask.

Oi oi oi!!! Dammit, Zechs, you're the second candidate who vies for the hand of the cobalt eyed psychopathic prince.

Heero: *pauses from cleaning gun* *turns a lovely shade of green to match his tank top* *aims death glare*

Zechs: *pauses* *turns ... lovely shade of blue to match his eyes* *aims a reasonable fascimile of death glare*

*sweatdrop*... Ok, never mind then. Bring on the third candidate!!

*Duo plops down*

Duo: Oi...*is instantly drenched in water* What the f*&*(^!!!

*coughs discreetly* The princess came in seeking shelter from the sudden thunderstorm. *thumps book* Sez so right here.

Duo: *wringing water out of hair* Since when do you follow the story guidelines?

Since.. it amuses me to do so *slow evil smile* Princess Duo... in a black satin, strapless, slinky dress!!

Duo: What the- *squawks as he is instantly dressed in said dress*

And black stiletto high heels!

Duo: *wobbles drunkenly side to side* Is this legal?

I have no clue. Oh yeah, and interesting black lingerie underneath!

Duo: *suddenly squeaks and looks cross eyed*.....

Oops.. umm, a size larger I think...

Duo: *breathes sigh of relief and then gets pissed off again* Teme...

Hmmm, something's not quite right.. Ah-ha!

Duo: *drenched in water again so the satin dress clings to his slim body in a rather interesting manner*

*beams* There we go. So Princess Duo volunteered as the third candidate. Instantly he was thrown onto the multi layered bed and the door locked behind him. Sorry, Heero was.. cleaning his gun!!

Everyone: *pauses to hear explosives... but nothing happens. Disappointed they all leave, except for Heero who is still cleaning his gun*

Within the portal TM...

Zechs: *frees Treize* Sir.. what should I do with her? *points at trussed up Lady Une*

Treize: *distant look* Send her.. to an old rerun of "Three's Company"!!

Chibi Wufeis: *squeals*

AVTM: Ooooo... evil, I like. *nods wisely* good choice *cackles and pulls on suddenly appeared lever*

Une: Iyaaaaaaaaa *voice fades as she's sent awa~~~~~~y*

Treize: Zechs...*sparkling rose scented eyes*

Zechs: Sir...*sparkling mask covered eyes*

And the Falling Bush TM falls on both biseinen as they begin to sing "People Will Say We're in Love." while they make happy happy joy joy... in a pwp sort of way.

Wufei: *sniff*

AVTM: *smirks* Jealous? *totes Wufei off, chibi Wufeis toddling after them* You can get re-acquainted with Soixante-neuf...(1)

Wufei: Help me....


Duo: *lounging on the piles and piles of stuff which include but do not exclude , 12 layers of goosedown, 4 layers of silk, 6 layers of inferior linen , 2 pillows, 3 button down jackets, one wicked witch, one inter- dimensional time/space traveling type portal TM*

Ano... As the Princess in Distress TM, you're s'pposed to look for the bullet.
Duo: *snorts* Oi! Oi! *pauses to rip off heels* What do you take me for? *hands on hips* Why do I always have to do the work around here? *mutters* The prince wants his ^*^&*@$ princess?? *waves his heel around threateningly* Well, he can just come over here and get her... err.. him! *flops back down unknowingly exposing plenty of thigh and glimpses of lingerie for the appreciative audience*

*sweatdrop*... Why do I suddenly feel like a marriage counselor? Err... cobalt-eyed psychopathic prince? Your feelings on this sudden disruption of yaoi utopia? *mutters* Not to mention one of my fics...

Heero: *cleans gun, blatantly ignoring the world around him*.....

O~kay, your feelings in general on the world of yaoi today?


*sweatdrop* *clears throat* ^_^ Gomen, minna... but none of the characters seem to be co-operating today... We'll just call this fairy tale a Total Mission Failure and put in under wraps. No happy happy joy joy endings today... *whispy refrains of 'People will Say We're In Love' come drifting in" Zechs and Treize an exception, of course.

Heero: *eyes blaze at the phrase "Mission Failure"* ... ninmu?

Yup, a Total Mission Failure!

Heero:... *eyes wobble* ... failure?

Not just a failure *cheerful lilt* A Total Mission Failure!

Heero: *aims gun*

Eep! *ducks*

Heero: *shoots through door* *smirks as he hears a pained yelp*

Duo: *comes storming in, clutching his butt... and what a lovely butt it is too* All right!! I've had it with this $&@*^% royally *^%^-ed fairy tale. Who shot me with this... *peers at bullet* A-25363-6655 model 54473-ab bullet?

Heero: *tilts head* Hn. *really gets a good look at Duo's disheveled outfit* Hn...

A~nd there you have it folks! Duo Maxwell is the winner of the cobalt eyed psychopathic prince's spandex covered butt.. err hand in marriage in today's game of... *pauses for audience to chant in unison*

Audience: Guess the Bullet!!

Thanks a lot for playing, and good night!


Oh, all right.

Heero: *sweeps Duo off his feet* ...You look good in black. *audience groans at the awaited for corny follow up* But you'd look even better without it.

Duo: *rolls eyes* Shut up and kiss me.

*beams* *waves* And THAT is ye merry olde ende ^^ G'night folks~~

*screen turns to black with the bgm to "closer" by nin in the background... strangely enough, harmonizing with "People Will Say We're in Love" and the theme song to "Three's Company"*

(1)Soixante-Neuf is an orginal character type G boy I was helping tro to cook up *snickers* Unfortunately, he'll probably never see the light of day ^^;

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