GW:  Out Takes OR You Can't Handle the Truth!!

<The Beginning>

A young, black haired boy with a page boy cut made his way hesitantly into the studio.  The boy took a deep breath and a final look at the car he had exited out of.

"Remember to behave and drink your milk!  I included something special in your lunch."

"Yes, momma."

"And don't forget to floss and brush with the little travel set I packed for you."

"Yes, momma."

"And don't mumble like that!  This is your chance to *SHINE*"

"Yes, momma.  Good bye, momma."

"Good bye, my liddle cuddlekins.  Mummy will see her little darling baby boy later."

The black haired boy flushed furiously and mumbled something in reply before making his way into the building.

He encountered a blonde boy, his age, leaning against the outside of the entrance hall.  He was smoking a cigarette and eyed the newcomer cooly over the rising smoke.  The blonde boy took the other boy's measure before smiling rather predatorily.  He flicked his cigarette onto the floor, grinding it out with a well worn boot heel as he made his way over to the black haired boy.

"Well, hello there.  What's your name?"

"Wufei, and you shouldn't smoke."

The blonde's smile widened even more, this time showing off all his gleaming white teeth.  "Oh?  Who says so?  Your momma?"

"Yes.  She does."  He bobbed his head up and down while the blonde boy gave voice to a full throated husky laugh.

"Well, your momma isn't here now.  How will she know?"

"She just does..."

"How about if I..."  The blonde boy's teasing was cut off by a loud, irritated voice.

"Cut it out, Quatre.  Stop harassing the new kid."

Wufei turned... and stared.  In contrast to the blonde boy's tailor made dark slacks and matching jacket, the other boy wore ragged, tattered jean shorts and a loose white tank top.  He also had hair, lots of hair.  Huge amounts of hair.  It was braided neatly and the think length trailed well past the boy's trim waist.  He looked familiar for some reason...

"Well, if it isn't Wonder Boy.  So how's life as a teen heartthrob and the biggest pop sensation since the Spice Girls?"  Quatre replied between clenched teeth.  The hostility emanating from the blonde boy was palpable as he faced the long haired stranger.  The standoff lasted for several long minutes, in which Wufei seriously considered a strategic retreat... all the way home.  Then another boy showed up.. or rather drifted up.  He was clad in a long filmy white robe.

"The universe senses a conflict within our happy place.  Balance must be restored before the universe falls to chaos."

Wufei stared at this new... strange stranger, another boy his age, dark brown hair parted in the middle of his forehead and smoothly falling down in straight sheaths.  He had a serene smile on his face, like that of the stone madonnas in a church or of the Buddha... or of the dazed hippie he had seen on the street one night...

Quatre rolled his eyes.  "Great.  Now here comes the mental fruitcake who thinks he contains the universe."

Duo frowned in warning while Heero smiled serenely and touched a hand to the tense boy's shoulder.  "Calm yourself, Brother Maxwell.  The universe recognizes the turmoil in Brother Winner.  He is forgiven."

Quatre shook his head and gave Wufei one last wink before leaving their little gathering.  "Whatever."

Duo, as the braided boy had been called, spoke out.  "Oi!  Don't forget that we have a meeting later on."

Quatre gave them all the one fingered salute in response.

Wufei was shocked.  His momma wouldn't approve... of anything that had happened so far.

Duo simply shrugged, as if used to the blonde's actions, and turned towards him.

"Hey.  My name's Duo, Duo Maxwell."  He grinned charmingly, and suddenly, Wufei remembered where he had seen the other boy before.  Duo Maxwell was the latest in a long line of idol singer/actors to take the world by storm.  His good looks and acting abilities had landed him roles such as Sorata from X, Soujiro from Rurouni Kenshin, and Chichiri from Fushigi Yuugi.

Wufei felt even more nervous, even as he responded hesitantly to Duo's bright smile.  "I... I'm Wufei Chang."

"Nice t'meet ya.  This is Heero Yuy."

The white clad boy smiled slightly.  "The universe and I are equal in our welcome to you, Brother Chang."

Wufei stuttered out a response, even as his dark eyes widened hugely.  What had he gotten into???  But more importantly, what would his momma think?  Duo snickered and took hold of Wufei's elbow, waving goodbye to an absent minded Heero.

"He's into the whole universe, become one with the Force stuff.... Just think of him as a young Yoda in training."  Wufei nodded dumbly, something he seemed to be doing a lot in his shell shocked state.  Were all of his future coworkers like this?...  "Oh, yeah.  And don't let Quatre tease you too much.  He's just pissed that his agent couldn't get him the role for Evangelion... you know, Shinji."  Duo rolled his eyes and whispered.  "Confidentially, I heard from higher up that the producers thought Quatre was too... high strung to play the role."

Wufei nodded yet again as he was skillfully introduced and led around the vast building, meeting technicians, fellow actors, and sponsors along with a plethora of other people, all of whom seemed to know the boy by his side with great familiarity.  At Wufei's questioning look, Duo grinned easily.  "I've been in this business all my life, so has Quatre... you get used to the same people, the same circles.  Don't worry about it."  Easy for the other boy to say, *his* head was spinning even as he tried desperately to remember the names with the faces, not to mention the profiles and juicy bits of gossip which Duo seemed to rattle off with the greatest of ease.

"... now.  You get to meet the last of the gundam pilots."  Duo opened up one of the many doors lining the hallway.  "Oh Tro~~~wa!!"

"Come in, but be quiet.  I'm working."

Wufei raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Duo's sudden smirk.  The other boy just shrugged and motioned for him to enter the room.

The black haired boy gaped... then manually shut his jaw closed.  The boy in the room was... He was dressed in white tights and a tight fitting white spandex tanktop along with white toe shoes and beige leg warmers.  He was doing elaborate stretching exercises in front of the barre, longish brown hair tied back in a loose, short tail.

He turned.  "Duo?... Is that the last of us then?"

"Yup.  I found him wandering around, had to rescue him from Quatre.  Wufei meet Trowa; Trowa meet Wufei."

The two murmured polite greetings as Trowa continued to stretch.  At a beeping noise, Duo cursed and grappled with his beeper.  "Damn, I gotta go."  He gave Wufei a friendly wink.  "See ya later.  Later, Trowa."

Trowa waved a hand in farewell.  Wufei watched the American leave with a certain feeling of panic.  The only sane seeming person in this mad house was leaving him alone... with a boy in tights who seemed determined to prove that human pretzels *do* exist.

"Don't be fooled by his appearance, Wufei.  He's just as weird as the rest of us."

Wufei turned inquisitively... Duo?

Trowa smirked.  "Don't get me wrong and all.  He's a nice guy.  Friendly, not too stuck up like the blonde bitch with a stick up his ass.  But he does have a few problems."

Wufei raised a curious brow.  Oh?....

But before Trowa could elaborate, the door was slammed open and two people entered the room.  Trowa suddenly stiffened, face freezing in icy disdain.

"Well, if it isn't Zechs.  How's the stripping business going.... oh I forgot, you gave that up for show business...."  Trowa addressed *that* particular remark to a tall man with long platinum blonde hair.  He was accompanied by a slightly shorter man.

"Did you hear that Treize?  Twinkle toes just tried to be sarcastic, isn't that... amusing?"

Treize let out a light laugh in response.

"White trash, " spat out Trowa.

"Prima Donna, " retorted Treize.

Wufei sweatdropped.  Again he asked hismelf, what had he gotten into??


The hairdresser tsked.  "Oh no, no, no, no no!!!  This loose hair will simply *not* do.  We need to tie this back."  She snapped her fingers for her assistants to bring her supplies.

Wufei gritted his teeth as an avalanche of mousse, hair spray, and gel was applied to his hair, which was then *tightly* tied back.  A number of curses, none of which would have been approved by his momma, drifted briefly through his mind.

"Surely you aren't serious about this!!!"  Trowa's horrified voice filled the room.  His hair had been shaped into a wedge and flipped towards the front over his face, hanging like a dead weight above one eye.

Zechs and Treize snickered madly from where they sat in one corner of the room.  Well, the blonde laughed until he was presented with a helmet.  "You want me to hide by beauty behind this ... this... this thing!!!"

Suddenly, Wufei felt someone behind him.  It was Duo, dressed in a priest like outfit.  He whispered, so that no one else could overhear, "It's rumored that Zechs used the nom de plume, 'Masked Rider', on the strip stage.  Ironic ne?"  He snickered and waved over at the blonde, older man, who was busily screaming at Trowa.  Treize had been called away by one of the directors.

The black haired boy asked, suddenly curious, "Why don't the two like each other?"

Duo grinned and replied, "Well, 's simple.  Trowa's from the 'old' world style.  Went to acting school, graduated from the top class, and his entire family's in the biz.  Now Zechs, he just signed up, flung his hair back, and twitched his lashes, and waved his butt.  Voila!  He was in show business."  The boy scratched his nose thoughtfully.  "It offends Trowa's delicate sensibilities, I guess... and Zechs doesn't get along with anyone, except Treize."

Wufei opened his mouth to ask, why only Treize, when Duo shushed him, violet eyes twinkling in mirth.  "Nuh-uh.  I ain't telling.  You'll have to figure that one out for yourself.  Let's just say, they're rather special friends."

The Chinese boy tried to shrug and nod... but his head was too stiff....

"Ah choo!!"  Trieze walked back into the room, unhappily clutching a single blood red rose.  "I'm allergic to ... to..."  He sneezed loudly.  "... roses..."

One of the directors walked in behind the ginger haired man.  "Well, we've tried ever other sort of flower.  Peonies, tulips, azaleas, violets, and even sunflowers, none of them fit the image you're trying to project."

Treize blew his nose in misery.

Duo burst out laughing as Heero, out of his mystical white robes, came walking in.  The unfortunate boy was clad in tight, tight black spandex and a green tank top.

"The universe mourns for me.  These dark, unnatural colors are sapping my creative energies."  Heero plucked at his clothing in distaste.  A strange, cross eyed look flitted over his features.  "I feel faint."  He promptly tried to swoon... and Duo rolled his eyes before running over to catch the short haired boy.  They held a whispered conversation, one that contained much giggling and touching.  Wufei turned his eyes away uncomfortably.  Well, Heero certainly seemed more relaxed now...

The door slammed open and an enraged vision in... beige and pink walked in.  "You think you've got the wardrobe from hell???  I am dressed in pink!  Shinji never had to wear pink!"

Duo simply snorted from his position by Heero's side.  "Oh, get over it."

"Bite me, Wonder Boy."

Wufei swallowed nervously and fingered his stiff scalp lightly.  Surely it couldn't get worse, they hadn't even started taping the scenes yet...

<Setting the Scene:  Take 1>

"No, I can't shoot her."

The directors, Duo had introduced them as Mr. Eeney, Mr. Meeney, Mr. Miney, and Mr. Moe, were huddle in the corner.  One of them, Mr. Moe thought Wufei, spoke up.  "Heero, you have to shoot her."

Heero resolutely placed the gun on the floor.  "No, I won't.  The universe told me that it was bad for my karma to kill people today."

Quatre rolled his eyes.  "Any other day, the universe *allows* you to shoot people?"  The blonde boy, as well as the other actors, had wandered into the sound lot to see what was holding up production.

"Well... yes."

Everyone sweatdropped and took a small step back from the confused boy in spandex.

Mr. Eeney, Mr. Meeney, Mr. Miney, and Mr. Moe once again huddled together.

Relena, the victim in question, spoke up timidly, "Umm, you wouldn't *really* be shooting me, just pretend to... You know?  Like you were acting."

Quatre muttered, loudly enough for everyone to hear, "That's because he is acting, or at least supposed to be, ya blonde ditz."  And Relena blushed furiously and looked as if she would burst into tears.  After all, she was only hired to be in the first few episodes, a relative unknown.

Heero smiled down gently at the timid girl.  "Yes, my child, I know.  But the universe disapproves of killing on this day, even pretending."

The blond girl looked confused.  "Oh..."

"Having fun yet?"  Trowa asked Wufei.

"I... guess?"

Eventually, the directors decided to change the script, setting it up so that Duo would end up shooting Heero instead...

And that's the truth.  Honest Injun as Huck and Tom would say.

<Setting the Scene: Take 2>

"You want me to what??"  Wufei had never been so appalled in his life.  Why his beloved momma would roll in her as of yet unoccupied grave.  "I can't say these lines to a lady.  Heck, I can't say them at anyone!"

Mr. Miney?  mopped at his brow.  "Look, Wufei.  I know it's hard for you, but please, please get through these lines today.  I'll be honest with you, production's behind as it is what with Zechs and Treize disappearing for god knows what, Quatre moaning that his Gundam looks nothing like the Eva-01, not to mention that Trowa insists his athletic abilities be showcased somehow within the show.  It's hell for us frankly, and we need you to *say the lines*"

Wufei squirmed uncomfortably, practically feeling his momma's disapproving glare boring holes into his unprotected back.  "I... guess."

"Good, good, good."

Later that day...

"Ne, Duo?"


"What does 'Kisama' mean?"  "Duo?  Duo??  Why are you lying on the ground?  Are you hurt?"

Duo moaned, managing to strangle out a few words from between hysterical fits of laughter.  "I... I'm fine."

<Setting the Scene:  Take 3>

"Quatre, there is no scene here with a cello."

"But Shinji played the cello!"

Mr. Meeney sighed.  "Quatre, we've been over this before.  You are not Shinji.  You never were, you never will be.  You are Quatre Raberba Winner, get it?"

The blonde boy sulked... for all of 5 seconds.  Then he took the violin and slammed it between the older man's legs, making sure that Mrs. Meeney would not be making happy happy joy joy with her husband any time soon.  But that was what the mail man was for.  The violin was, of course, shattered.

Duo shrugged and sighed as the blonde boy ran off.  "That's the third one today."

Wufei asked, "Third violin?"

"Nope, third director."

<Setting the Scene:  Take 4>

Zechs cleared his throat, ready to make his speech when suddenly... All the lights in the studio went off, and a bright spotlight flashed onto the masked man.

Trowa's voice boomed over the speakers.  "For all you lucky ladies, and some gentlemen in the crowd, I present to you:  The Masked Rider!!!"  Loud played music, it was the song "It's Raining Men.", began to pump out from the speakers.  Everyone in the studio laughed; it was a well known 'secret' where Zechs first hailed from.

The blonde man smiled and took the teasing in good stride.  Inside, he seethed.  Just wait till he get his hands on that...

<Wufei Reflects...>

"So, how's mummy's liddle cuddly wuddly baby boy?  Did he have a good time?"

Wufei nodded and savored the feeling of his hair finally being down and out of that painfully tight pony tail.  "Yes, momma.  It was... interesting."

"Good, good.  Now, remember, my little angel faced muffin, this is your big break...," and she rambled on.

Wufei nodded absently, only half-listening as she rattled on and on.  It had been rather fun.  He actually looked forward to the next taping session.  The black haired boy leaned back into the plush leather car seat and dreamt the peaceful dream of babes, the righteous, and idiots who had no idea what the future had in store for them.

~~Ye Merry Olde Ende~~

Back to Fics Page