Bonus Special:  Recipe for Insanity

Take equal parts GW and YYH.  A cup of FY, a dash of RK, a pinch of Kodomo no Omocha, add flavoring of American children's shows as needed.  Stir vigorously.  Serve, share, and spread the madness =)

Part 3


Wufei was not happy.  Nope, he was disturbed, perturbed, and even a bit deterred, but not happy.  In fact, one could say he was even angry.  Let's stop being cute, Chang Wufei was pissed, and someone was going to pay . . .

Somehow, the book had engulfed him in a red, pulsing light.  When he had finally hit solid ground, with a solid oof no less, guards had been there to pick him up and bring him to the palace.

No one would answer his questions, and without his sword, taking out the armor-bedecked guard was like taking out Yuy without several bazookas at hand, in other words not do-able.

So he waited and plotted in the richly furnished room he had been brought into.  Funny, it resembled some of the handiwork of ancient China.  Come to think of it . . . even the guards had been dressed so . . . Where exactly had he landed?  The black-haired boy irritably began foraging for weapons.  Hmm, cushions, blanket, nothing usable.

The door opened with a bang, and he was immediately glomped on by an UGBO (for those less esoteric, an Unidentified Glomping Bun Object . . . Shampoo and Usagi have been a member for years)

"Waiiii, Waaaaiii!! I'm so happy you're here.  You don't know how long we've been waiting fo you.  Happy, happy, joy, joy."

"Naaa, Miaka te ba!.  He can't breathe, " remarked a figure with a long purple braid.

Briefly, in his last moments of consciousness, he thought . . . when did Duo color his hair?

Koenma sighed.  Things were not going smoothly.

First, they had barely managed to restrain the trigger happy Heero from taking them all out in a killing spree, or at least try to. Then, they had gotten the hog-tied boy to grudgingly agree to listen to their story, murder in his eyes.   While Koenma tried to tell his tale, Heero and Hiei were glaring red-hot daggers at each other, the room was literally steaming from the heat of their stares . . . or the fire youkai's energy rather.

Heero's response to Koenma.

"Kisama, go jump back into whatever Zero system you popped out of."

And now . . . now . . .

The roaring of the crowd was deafening as the junior god watched from his perch above center ring, yes . . . center ring.  With a sigh, he glanced over at the booth where Yuusuke and Kuwabara were gleefully hamming it up for the cheering audience below.  He felt like screaming out in frustration.  What about Keiko? Or his brother for that matter?  Instead, he settled for ordering a Siskel & Ebert sized tub of popcorn and a Roseanne Barr sized pop soda and hunched down to watch.  He had his bets placed on his aniki's lover.  Anyone who was tough enough to wear spandex 24/7 had to be something.

"Hello minna! And welcome to Anime's Celebrity Deathmatch.  I'm Urameshi Yuusuke and next to me is my cohort Kazuya Kuwabara."

Both were grinning widely, dressed to kill, in black tuxes, hair slicked back.

"Tonight, we bring to you one of the longest debates in all of anime history.  Well . . . .at least of some interest to a select few out there at any rate."

"So we proudly present to you, Hiei vs. Heero Yuy.  At ringside, we also have a special guest reporter, Kermit T. Frog, who will be conducting our interview with both contestants."  Yuusuke tapped his headpone lightly, "Kermit, are you there?"

"Reading you loud and clear.  Hidey ho, Kermit T. Frog here for a special Muppet News Flash."  The green amphibian  walked er . . . hopped toward Hiei, who was leaning against part of the ring.  His ruby eyes were half-slitted as he surveyed the screaming crowd.

"Waaaaiiiii!! Hiei-chan, " cried one in particular, waving about a chibi-stuffed Hiei doll excitedly.  "You're sooo kawaii!!  I promise to give you a happy ending." After a thoughtful pause, she added, "But later, I'm having too much fun now."

At her words, Hiei's eyes popped open and he stiffened.  The little koorime aimed a threatening, crimson glare at the short-haired Asian girl, clearly meant to threaten if not to kill.

"Yatta!! Neechan, " she cried happily, shaking her long-haired companion.  The other was cheerfully chugging down Coke as fast as possible.  "Hiei-chan looked at me."

She paused in her quest for sugar and sweatdropped, "Ne, I don't think that's necessarily a *good* thing, Sylvia-chan."

"Oh, " the younger girl pouted briefly, "but he still looks kawaii!."

"Oy vey, " the other facefaulted.  At a loud wooshing sound, both girls turned around in time to see a red headed girl with clear blue eyes gleefully set fire to part of the stage.  The newcomer held in her hand an iron fan and was cackling delightedly.

The long haired girl screamed out, "Run Dana-chan!!  He's coming after you."  And indeed, a short haired red headed boy, dressed in gaudy clothes and jewelry, chased after the pyro inclined girl, screaming out, "Kisama!!! Give me back my ^&**& fan you damn woman!"

Cackling and still clutching the fan to her chest, she ran for dear life, the boy hot on her heels.

Kermit sweatdropped.  Where did they pick these audience members from anyway?  All of them seemed to be girls . . . kind of reminded him of Miss Piggy on a rampage actually.

He paused in front of Hiei, letting out a loud cough to gain the other's attention, not an easy task when Hiei seemed bent on glaring smoking holes into the cheering short-haired girl, now blowing him kisses.

"So, Hiei, what do you hope to accomplish in this fight?"

Hiei smiled, flashing a bit of white fang.  "Total annhilation."

Kermit sweatdropped yet again and turned toward the camera, "There you have it folks.  Now Hiei . . ." but the Koorime had disappeared . . .

 . . . and reappeared next to the currently red-headed Kurama.  A cute chibi with a *cough* bust line to rival Nada Naga's was sitting on top of the youko's head, pulling and prodding through his hair.  She would occasionally toss out seeds with a delighted cackle, all the while chanting, "Turn Youko, Kurama!  Wanna see, wanna see."

Hiei casually tossed the chibi away.  As she flew through the air with the greatest of ease, she wailed out, "Hidoooooooooooi!"

She landed with a plop on top of the long haired girl, who only paused in her drinking to offer the other a soda can.  The chibi's eyes lighted up in glee as she accepted.

Kurama smiled gratefully at his koi . . . and facefaulted . . . gracefully.

"Ano . . . Hiei, . . . what's that attached to your back?" He pointed towards a small lump located beneath Hiei's cloak.  The Koorime looked startled, nearly spinning himself silly in his effort to get a look.

Kurama smirked inwardly.  He *so* did look kawaii when confused.  Smiling, he turned the smaller youkai around, lifting up the black cloak.

Underneath was another chibi, this one with tiny glittering butterfly pins in her dark hair, glomped to Hiei's back.  Kurama sweatdropped . . . persistent little critters.  Ruthlessly, he yanked at the madly grinning chibi, but it wouldn't move.

"Kurama, " growled Hiei, seriously growing annoyed, "It won't come off, will it?"

With a high pitched squeal, the SD girl grinned and flashed a Victory sign . . . as well as holding up a huge tube of Crazy Glue TM.

"Jaoh Ensatsu kok*hmph*, " Hiei was suddenly cut off by Kurama's hastily placed hand.

"Hiei! Dame yo!  You're gonna blow us all away."


Smirking, Heero walked in on the bickering couple.  "Now, that's an attitude I like."

Kermit looked nervous, "Ummmm . . . here is our other combatant, Heero Yuy.  What is . . " The frog's jaw dropped open in shock.

So were Kurama's and Hiei's as a matter of fact . . .

Another girl, this one with long brown hair and an infectuous grin, had casually marched right up to the Japanese pilot, clutching a chart and pen officiously.  Reason enough to be shocked that someone had *voluntarily* walked up to the psychotic boy, but it was far far worse than that.  She had snapped his shorts.  As everyone stared, aghast and agape, she frowned slightly and wrote something down in onto her pad, mumbling away.  " . . . approximate tightness and elasticity . . . calculations for the probability of storing a gun or any sort of weapon . . . spandex."

Heero only paused, slightly shocked, before whipping out a gun from . . . somewhere. Eyes narrowed, he spat out, "Omae o korosu."

Instead of trembling in a puddle of fright, as normally sane people, Duo doesn't count, would, she stared at him with shining brown eyes, "Do that again, onegai.  In slow motion."

A nerve began to throb over Heero's eyebrow.  This was too much.  First, there had been that strange russet haired girl, lurking backstage.  She had been wearing a brown Stetson and a long black duster coat.  Privately, he called her Cowgirl.  She had walked up to him, and clutching the edges of her coat, she suddenly flashed open her coat.  No, not that you hentais.

Lined within were attached pictures.  She had winked one clear green eye and drawled out, "So, do you want any pics of Duo? Dirt cheap."

And those pictures . . .

Some of them had been of Duo in a slinky black dress, complete with occasional flashes of black lace underwear.  Others had been of Duo sunbathing . . . nude.  Of course his long loose chestnut hair had covered most of the salient points.  But still . . . it had revealed Duo's creamy white skin, slim arms and legs splayed as the boy slept unknowingly.  His lips were adorably pursed in one shot, the beginnings of a frown on his face, something from his dreams disturbing his slumber perhaps.

But before he could offer a response, or even get enough of an eyeful to feel the beginnings of a nosebleed, a purring cat landed in front of the girl, who was by this time singing softly to herself, " . . . Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous. . . "

The cat seemed to peer at the pictures as well, a gleam in its feline eyes.  Suddenly, it grabbed all the pictures in its jaw and made off with them, its purrs fading away as it scampered off, grinning widely.

Now this.

He glared all around the arena, there were girls everywhere, chatting noisily, talking pictures, scribbling on notepads.

A particularly loud screech attracted his attention once more. The chibi Hiei doll clutching girl, as well as her Coke chugging companion, were waving excitedly over at yet another girl, with a huge-ass ponytail, making her way through the crowd.

"Kyaaaaa!! JJ, ureshi.  You made it!"

The newcomer grinned cheerfully.  "Yup.  So did I miss anything?"  She graciously accepted a coke bottle from the older girl's never-ending supply.

"Nope, " she replied  "Matte!!  Look!  Hiei's unwrapping his wards."

Indeed the Koorime, with the chibi still attached, was rapidly ripping away at the white cloth.  In a moment of perfect understanding, Heero's and Hiei's eyes met.  Time to get rid of all this . . . clutter.

Heero whipped out a bazooka, steadfastedly ignoring the shriek from the pad wielding girl next to him.

"Ne, Heero! Do that again!"

Definitely time to get rid of a few unwanted things.

Kermit's eyes bulged out.  This was not good.  He began to edge away from what seemed to be the ground zero area.

It was going to be messy.

Even as Koenma chowed down, he couldn't help but notice that things were rapidly degerating into random chaos.

Which reminded him, how were Nokoru and the others doing?

Hopefully, the Reikai was still in one piece.  After all, just how much damage could they do in such a short period of time?  He ignored the memory of Atlantis' sinking.  How were they to know that land masses weren't waterproof?

Suoh asked himself this question frequently, with varying degrees of intensity for every situation.  How had he ended up here?  It seemed especially appropriate in this case as Ijyuin, Kaichou, and himself sped down the vast expanse of the Reikai . . . in a race car . . . chasing after a pink bunny, holding a drum set.  This particular pink rabbit had a bristling black bear and moustache . . . just like Enma-sama.

Simple reason.

It *was* Enma, in Jusenkyo form that is.  This particular one turned out to be some sort of demented rabbit that beats a drum and moves *fast*.  Since Reikai beings had no real physical body, they also absorbed the cursed form's thoughts and personality as well as the physical form.

Akira had somehow managed to unearth an old Ningen race car named Mach 5, which Koenma had kept around his office.  It had been buried beneath a huge stack of papers, near the garbage can in fact.

The car had the strangest functions, taking a while for Suoh to figure out.  One caused it to spring high into the other, another sealed the car within an air bubble, etc.  However, the blue-haired boy wasn't about to let Kaichou or Ijyuin drive.  First of all *he* couldn't even get past the first level of Super Mario's go-car racing game, not to mention that his golden-haired leader would be sidetracked by every female in distress picked up on his senses.  Which was why Kaichou was strapped *tightly* down.  If there was no way to bypass his overwhelming concern for women, Suoh smirked slightly, then Kaichou would have to be forcibly restrained from jumping out of the car every half second.

He wasn't exactly sure "how" Ijyuin would handle himself behind the wheel.  Something told him that behind that bright smile, however, was a road hungry maniac waiting to be released.  Just call it a ninja's intuition.

Swinging his attention back to the road, he noticed that the damned pink errr, Enma-sama was heading toward a dimensional portal to the Makai.  Shimatta.  And he wished someone would shut off that damn music.  Who was Speed Racer anyway and where was he going?

"So . . . how do we get out of here anyway?" asked Duo, justifiably curious.  By this time, they were seated around the low tea table, supplied courtesy of Duo's hair.   All three were enjoying a quiet moment.  Babbit was actually seated on the table, sipping from a cup larger than its own head.

Duo continued eyeing the strange bat shaped thing strangely.  He had long since been resigned to the fact that it would continue calling him "Sana-chan".  A girl.  Chikusho . . . even if the reincarnation story wasn't true, he couldn't believe . . . a girl.

The American felt an irrational desire to do something manly like . . . go belch and scratch his ass, or go out and buy a toupee, or date a girl old enough to be his daughter . . . or something that only men do.  He sweatdropped.  He could practically hear Heero's flat voice calling out 'Baka'.

Babbit took another hot sip.  "I don't know."

Keiko, a nerve throbbing, gritted out, "Well, how did you get in here anyway?"

The white bat flashed a Victory sign.  "I don't know."

Duo fought an irresistable urge to smack the thing with a fan . . . or maybe a mallet.

The brown-haired girl asked thoughtfully, after another long silence in which another hot teapot was shared, "Ne. . . we haven't actually tried opening the door . . . have we?"


Finally, they had managed to restrain all the girls running amuck around the arena.  The match was about to start.

Hiei stood in one corner of the ring, as Kurama whispered instructions for the upcoming fight.  Although from the decidedly lecherous look on the fox's face and the rather flustered looks on the nearby audience's faces . . . the nature of the advice was questionable.

Kuwabara announced gleefully, "On one side, standing knee high to the booger of an armadillo and known more for his temper than his skill, Hiei!"

The koorime snarled and bared his fangs, eliciting excited screams for more from the girls, "After I finish with this ningen, you're next."

Yuusuke sweatdroped. "Ano. In the other corner, we have the indestructible although not for lack of trying Heero Yuy a.k.a. Soldier boy a.k.a. Spandex Boy."

"Heeeeero-kun!" called out a baritone voice, "Can I have your Gundam when you're gone?"

Heero glared evilly at the man who had dared to speak, breaking his concentration.  "Anyone who stands in my way is my enemy."

Several girls swooned while other begged for him to say Omae o korosu again.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara facefaulted and shrugged.  What did that have to do with anything?

Yuusuke announced, " And special guest referee, the stoic of all stoics, the blank-faced bishounen, Shinobu-sempai"  Who wrote these crappy cue cards anyway?

Into the ring walked a purple/grayish haired bishounen, casully dressed in slacks and a polo shirt.

"Kyaaaaaa!" screamed out the coke-wielding one.  "Shinobu-sempai!"

"Neechan, I do believe you are biased." commented her friend.

"So," she replied, blinking eyes rapidly, "I am."

Shinobu said in his low deep voice, "No unfair fighting, unless you really want to.  No maiming or mutilating, unless it's really called for.  And I gain the proceeds from any bets placed." With that the referre stepped back and called out, "Let's fight!"

Both contestants blinked.  What the helll was that?

Heero shook his head rapidly.  He must really be worried about Duo . . . He could hear that baka's voice everywhere, even the newcomer sounded like him.

Growling, Hiei stared into the bright glare of the other.

Heero coolly analyzed the ruby gleam of the shorter man.

And they stared.

And stared.

"Ne, why aren't they doing anything, " asked JJ anxiously, trying to peer over the rest of the crowd.

"Because . . . this is the Anime's Celebrity Staring Death Match, " exclaimed the older girl cheerfully.

"So, all they do is stare at each other??!!"


"Where's the blood, the carnage, the angst!!  I want my angst dammit!"

A shrug, "Dunno, want some more coke?"

A sigh, "Sure."


"Yes, Akira?"

"Did we just run over two youkai fondling pastel beanie babies?"

"Umm, yes."

"And they're chasing us now, aren't they?"

"Yes, Akira."

"Those are a lot of angry youkai chasing after us, I think they brought their armies with them."

" . . . . . . "

" . . . Enma-sama isn't going to slow down, is he?"

"Doesn't look like it."


"Yes, Akira?"

"Would you like some milk tea and lemon pie?"

"Akira!!" This came from Suoh, "When did you find the time and space to make anything."

"Well, it was easy," this statement was accompanied by a beaming smile and wide unblinking eyes, "There's this little compartment in the car . . ."

Suoh sighed, there really was no explaining these things.

"Hold on, Kaichou, Ijyuin.  We're heading for a portal in the Ningen now."

And Enma kept going and going and going . . .

Stil staring and staring . . .

When the boredom errr, tension rather was broken by a dimensional portal opening up in the middle of the arena.  A pink bunny wielding drums, sunglasses, and sporting a bristling black beard and moustache appeared.  It paused to twirl around in circles then started to make its way toward the exit.  A racing car appeared soon after, racing after the rabbit.  Music blared from the vehicle, a chorus of, "Go Speed Racer, Go Speed Racer, Go Speed Racer, Go~~~"

A stream of cursing and screaming youkai followed after that.

Everyone blinked at each other during the long following silence.

Kurama remarked to himself calmly, "I do believe that was Yomi and Mukuro.  If I'm not mistaken . . . those were their armies that passed as well.  Interesting."

Koenma's jaw dropped open as his pacifier rolled to the ground.  That had been . . his . . and Nokoru . .and . . .and . . .

Yuusuke remarked thoughtfully to his partner, "You know . . . I feel the strange urge to chase after the pink thing . . . and maybe blow it to bits.  You?"

"Me too."  And off they went laughing maniacally.

Hiei and Heero also exchanged the same glance, feeling the same pull to *hurt* that damn rabbit.  They zipped by, Kurama and Koenma following hot on their heels.

The rest of the audience members also followed them out.

And the chase was on.

"Lady Une . . . "

"Yes, Treize-sama?"

"Why are their six Mogwoids instead of one?"

Five of them were laughing gleefully as they shredded the papers on his desk.  The original was seated off to the corner, shaking its head sadly.

"Well, it looked sort of dirty, so I washed it.  And *they* popped out."

"You didn't feed them after midnight . . . did you?"

"Ano . . . they looked so hungry . . . "

Treize sighed and dismissed her.  What was the worse that could happen?

Wufei glared at the long-haired emperor in front of him.  "You want me to what??!!"

Hotohori sighed and pushed a strand of hair away, he nodded his head in the general direction of the cuddling couple, Tamahome and Miaka.

"Well, the Miko has to be a virgin.  And those two . . . couldn't wait."

Tasuki snickered, "Yeah, they XXOOXO and also XOOOXXX and a little XXXOOOXXX" He was immediately flattened into the wall by Nuriko.

"Please feel free to continue Hotohori-sama."

Hotohori coughed before gazing deeply into Wufei's suspicious eyes.  In his deep voice, he said, "So Suzaku sent for another Miko.  Wufei.  Do you mind if I call you Wufei."  He casually placed a hand on the Chinese boy's leg.  "So as the new Miko . . . Would you like to become my Empress?"

Duo stood in front of the door, scratching his head.  The pink gilded door was marked push, but no matter how hard they heaved, it wouldn't open.

He cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

Time to use some unorthodox methods.

He pulled the door.

And it opened.

Babbit and Keiko shook their heads in awe.  The sheer diabolical cleverness of their enemy left them speechless.

Lackey #1 eyed the locked door.  She had been acting strangely yet again.

After watching Titanic over and over again, she had locked herself up into a listening booth with the NKOTB (New Kids On the Block) cd's, tapes, and music videos.

It had been nearly 24 hrs. since she had first gone in.

He didn't know whether to be awed by her stamina and willpower or sickened by her preferred tastes.

The door suddenly slammed open.  A voice crooned out, "Soooo my minions, are we ready for Operation Mall Rat?"

For those of you who dislike Relena . . . I know they're are a *few* of them out there.  Last we saw of Relena, she had been pushed out of the airplane . . .

Jusenkyo Guide:  Aiyaaaaaaahhhh!!! Customer drop out of sky and land in spring of drowned baboon.  Red four ass baboon drown there tragically 2000 years ago.  Any one who fall in turns into baboon.

Relena: aoooo??!!!

Part 4:  The Chase scene!!

Back to Fic Page