*On a darkened stage, a shadowy figure emerges. Suddenly the heavy curtains are flung apart and its... Rei dressed in raggedy jeans and a black tanktop looking rather befuddled*
Rei: *blinks* err...Hallooo?
*peers out blindly into audience* How did I get here....
Lauren: *emerges from shadows as well* *waves* Fic readers, I bid you welcome. The yaoi fandom is a temple, and we are here to worship the gods of comedy
Sylvia: *pops out of nowhere* Parody!
Lauren: *cough* and tragedy
Lauren: Tonight, I am pleased to announce a comedy.
Sylvia: Parody! *cackles*
Lauren: *sweatdrop* We shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you.
Rei: *blinks*... saaa... a musical then *smirks* *snaps fingers**music starts up*
*The stage lights are turned on at full volume... and Duo appears in his school fuku looking.. errr dazed to say the least. When the music starts, the braided boy shrugs and starts to sing at center stage*
Duo: Something familiar.
*Trowa goes walking by from stage right to left.. really really really quickly, chased.. err trailed by Quatre and Quatro*
Duo: Something peculiar
*The tall fuku clad Heavyarms pilot gives a cheering Rei, Lauren, and Sylvia, who have retreated to stage left, an almost accusing look before fleeing for the relative safety of backstage.*
Duo: Something for everyone- a comedy tonight!
*Quatre and Quatro come tumbling out fighting and brawling, eventually they roll right off the stage*
Duo: Something appealing.
*Hiei in a sailor fuku suddenly pops out on stage to everyone's delight. He immediately starts ripping away at his wards, just itching to get to the black dragon...*
Duo: *sweatdrop* Something appalling.
*Relena lands on top of the little koorime with an indignant screech*
Duo: *slightly green* Something for everyone- a comedy tonight!
*Rei immediately throws a bucket of cold water on Relena.. who melts into a little puddle. Unfortunately Hiei is all wet as well and turns chibi in indignation. Sylvia gets a hold of the sputtering chibi then and oh.. the horror ~.^*
Duo: Nothing with kings.
*The curtain closes and reopens... with Treize sitting casually on a throne with a gold crown on his head and a scepter in one hand. He blinks.*
Duo: Nothing with crowns.
*Lady Une dressed in a costume, much like Rambo's, appears. She advances towards a still bemused Treize*
Duo: *snickers* Bring on the lovers.
*Zechs plops, in full sailor fuku, on to Treize's lap. Noin, in turn, falls into Zechs' lap. Everyone facefaults. Except Treize, he still looks dazed.*
Duo: Liars and Clowns!
*At the mention of clowns, a dozen chibi Trowas in full "Pierro" regal come tumbling out, some juggling, others just looking blank, and even more walking on imaginary tight ropes.*
Duo: Old Situations.
*Dozens of chibi Quatre and Cathrines are arguing. The chibi Trowas are looking about bewildering calling for their 'Neesan'*
Duo: New Complications,
*This time a maniacal normal sized Quatro comes out, with a black hood on and chibi-naps all the Trowas. But before he can get away, the chibi Quatres and Cathrines coalesce into two massive beings, Quatre and Cathrine. They advance on Quatro*
Duo: Nothing portentious or polite *winces at the wails and screams from Quatro as the two work him over. It also sounds as if Lady Une, Treize, Zechs, and Noin are also having it out*
*The stage curtain rapidly closes and opens before the PG-13 rating of this fic goes any higher. It reopens on Wufei dressed in a little tux, hat, and tap shoes. He blushes and tries to run off... but the shoes are magical shoes, and he starts to tap dance the Gene Kelley way protesting loudly... The curtain closes on his wails.*
Duo: *sweatdrop* Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight. *dimly the audience hears Wufei shouting, "What about justice!"*
*Suddenly the curtains open with a venegance. Quatre is standing, hands and shirt covered in blood, kneeling next to the too still body of Trowa. He starts as Cathrine suddenly screams and shoots him in the chest, and the blonde boy gracefully falls over the body of his beloved.*
Duo: *stamps foot* Tragedy tomorrow!! Comedy tonight!
*They all sheepishly stand up and scuffle their feet before marching off stage*
L, S, R and Duo: Comedy tonight!
L, S, and R: Something convulsive, something repulsive.
*Kuwabara suddenly plops onto stage wearing a sailor fuku; everyone screams, "Take it away, take it away!" The tall, orange haired boy looks offended until he realizes that he's wearing a skirt... he calmly walks off stage, then the audience hears his screams start...*
Duo: *sweatdrop* Something for everyone-- A comedy tonight! Something esthetic.
*The stage curtains close and then suddenly open... on Heero changing into his school uniform. We have.... full rear nudity. He glares at the audience, glares at Duo, then shoots the curtains down.*
L, S, and R: *snickers* Something balletic.
*The stage curtains, magically regenrated or through a hole plot at any rate, closes and then opens and... the five scientists come out in pink ballet tutus, twinkling for all they're worth. The screams from the audience are deafening. Eventually Heero shoots them, err. the audience not the scientists no matter how strong the temptation, and puts them out of their misery*
Duo: Something for everyone.
*A random wind gust blows up his skirt and everyone is treated to the sight of...*
L, S, R: Panty
R: *blinks* or rather A Comedy tonight!
Duo: *rolls eyes and resettles skirts* Nothing with gods, nothing with fate.
*Destiny walked in his gardens, reading his book while the Three Grey Sisters worked merrily at beginning, weaving, and ending another's life. The garden of Destiny led to nowhere and everywhere at once; if you've been there surely you, too will recognize the familiar terrain*
L, S, R: *triple blinks at each other* err... Weight affairs will just have to wait.
*A huge bush falls over everything, Destiny and chorus included. Though Destiny knew that this would happen, he is there neither to change nor to direct fate, yadda yadda yadda.*
Duo: *spits out foliage irritably* Nothing that's formal.
*The curtains close and then open. Trowa and Quatre go waltzing past, both wearing spiffy tuxes*
L, S, R: Nothing that's normal.... *prepared for the worst*
*All the male members of the Fushigi Yuugi cast, Seiryuu and Suzaku seishii alike, are arm in arm doing the can can.. dressed a la Rocky Horror Picture Show floor show clip*
Duo: No recitations to recite!
*Rei strikes pose and dredges up vague rememberances of high school Julius Caeser. "French fries, roman lettuces, cottage cheesez, lend me your eerie indianas. She ducks a barriage of afore mentioned items.*
All: *including the dressed up FY cast; tuxed Trowa and Quatre; a nekky Heero wrapped in a curtain hauling around the dead bodies of the tutu clad scientists; chibi fighting Zechs, Noin, Treize, and Lady Une; Cathrine still randomly smacking about Quatro; Kuwabara in shock ... and a dress; Destiny lying under the bushes; vegetable munching Rei, Lauren, and Sylvia; Hiei wrapped in Sylvia's arms still in chibi form; Wufei merrilly tapping away protesting "Justice tonight" but damned if he doesn't look nummy dancing in a tux; and finally a sore-throated, fuku clad Duo* Open up the curtain-- Comedy Tonight!
*The stage collapses, and the entire place goes dark while a neon sign lowers on the stage flashing the words, "Gundam Flavored Kisses 4", in bright purple. The sign suddenly gives a great creak and hangs off one hook.. eventually falling on the random, haphazardous pile of youkai, humans, chibis, nutsos, and bishounen*
Rei: Who's idea was this anyway *mumbles*.... oops....
*mass sounds of chaos and violence which are too too horrible for a shoujo parody to describe ensues*
*Lauren comes dragging
in the sign -The-*
*Sylvia drags in the sign -Next-*
*Rei brings up the rear kicking in the sign -Day-*
Rei: *dusts hands*
Hai, long time no see, minna-san. *sweatdrops*
Lauren: *mock glare* You're telling me, Rei-chan.
Sylvia: *nods vigorously*
Rei: ehehehehe... well, anyway *clears throat* To recap, it's the next day after Quatro has dragged off Trowa...
Lauren: And Heero jumped Duo ~.^
Sylvia: And Hiei-chan and Kurama-san were both in skirts *_*
Rei: *eyes Sylvia* *snickers* Anyway, today is the next day in class and a field trip!!
Rei: *blinks* Oh.. did I not mention it?
S and L: *shakes heads vigorously*
Rei: *spreads hands* Well, I decreed it and so let it be! ^_^ A hole plot even *does a little dance*
Duo swung his bookbag casually enough, keeping a close eye on his best friend. He had called the boy immediately, well immediately after finishing his extended grope session with the new student that is. Trowa didn't say anything unusual, actually he didn't say anything at all which in and of itself wasn't unusual but then again, since he was so quiet in the first place, unusual was hard to define unless... Duo realized his eyes were crossing and paused to manually de-cross them. The last thing he needed was poor vision, what if he couldn't spot the nekky Heeros that the ficcer so oft gifted him with! A true tragedy...
L: *blinks as something
shatters* What was that?
R: *nods solemnly* The breaking through of the fourth wall...
S: *sweatdrop* Neechan... did any of your fics have a fourth wall?
R: Good point... Although technically breaking the fourth wall would be more like.. *plasters face to reader's screen* Hallooooooooo *makes horrible faces against glass* ... that v^^
They made it to the school without incident, well if one didn't count the sudden gust of wind that came up and flipped their skirts up...
a double panty shot!
S: Ano... does that make it number 13 or 14?
R: *shrugs* 13.5 then *snickers*
... and then a short, brown haired girl, wearing a different school uniform, suddenly gave voice to an ear piercing shriek. Her friend next to the girl asked in concern, "What's wrong, Hitomi?"
"I can see them; I can see them!"
"What? What? Another horrific, incredibly bloody and violent vision brought on by your anxieties?"
"No, " she sobbed, "I can see those boys' panties...."
Duo and Trowa had immediately moved away from the vicinity, something told them that the girl, Hitomi, wasn't exactly the most stable of characters, not to mention her nose was freaking them out a bit... Duo patted his own snub, adorable, little schnauzer comfortingly.
R: *blinks* Should
I show him some of these dj pictures?
S: *giggles* Duo-chan doesn't have a nose in this one...
L: *turns pic upside down* According to this pic, he don't have any bones. Damn, that boy can move.
Well, anyway, they made it to school without incident. Once there, Wufei darkly announced their principal's intention of giving the school a field trip to the local skating rink. Considering how small the school was, only Grade A ceritified bishounen allowed, they would all definitely fit. Of course.. there was a drawback to the day off of school....
Duo darkly glared at all the gaping spectators as he came stalking out, his customary braid threaded with pretty pastel violet strips of ribbon and flowers. He was wearing a very doesn't leave much to the imagination woohoo instant nose bleed and KO of yaoi readers type flimsy black skating skirt and matching black body suit. The silky black tights completed the err.. ensemble.
Trowa was dressed in a similar outfit, in shade of silver and pale jade green. His bang was held up by a lightweight silver head band, complete with matching jade green lion clips to the side. Zechs was similarly decked in colors of silver and blue, his long blonde hair err.. demurely pinned up in a ponytail with a silver clasp in the shape of a rose over a mask.
L: *snorts* Sounds
like a cheap Phantom of the Opera souveneir.
R: *sweatdrops* Oi... I'm trying here... *grins evilly* Just for that...
L: *eyes Rei wearily* Yes?
R: *blinks innocently* *triggers button behind her*.. oh.. nothing really ^_^
L: *drops into fic wearing a red and silver skating outfit* Reeeeeeiiiiiiii.....
S: Neechan... you are evil.
R: Noo... not me!
Hiei and Kurama was dressed in black and silver, and a rich emerald green respectively. Hiei-chan, of course had an adorable silver dragon with ruby eyes pinned to his bushy.. err puffy.. err... interesting hair. Kurama had on a charming embroidered white silk scarf. He brought it on his own. No questions, no answers.
As soon as Lauren.. err dropped into the picture, the bishounen that were cross dressed felt an irresistable urge to sing... one they fought valiantly and bravely and courageously against even. But twas no use.. bwahahahahha
Err... Anyway, they entered the skating rink, never mind that most of them wouldn't know how to skate. Their significant others, not to mention their avid audience, enjoyed the sight at any rate. Quatre and Quaro fought for the best space along the railing to view their beloved bang boy. Heero watched stoically alongside a still bemused Treize, occasionally the older man would offer the Japanese boy a silk handkerchief as a tinge of red would appear on each occasion that Duo would trip, flip, and otherwise flop along the ice. Wufei was... hiding, of course he called it an honorable retreat in the face of incredible odds, but he was hiding in the men's room. What he didn't know was that the FY cast, still in leather and bondage, was holding dress rehearsals in there for the next midnight showing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show."
The janitor had a hell of a hard time cleaning off the blood splattered on the tiles, the walls, the mirror... Oh, the humanity, the humanity...
S: Neechan.. you're
not really leaving Lauren-san to skate with the bishounen are you?
R: *evil grin* Why not?
S:.. Because she's not a bishounen?
R: *leaps to her feet* Let the games begin!!
S: *backs away*
Once the bishounen were *reasonably* skilled at skating... Well, the music began, and they had no choice but to sing...
Duo: *monotone* I feel pretty. Oh so pretty~ *constantly tugs down skirt**barely manages to keep from landing on his butt again*
Trowa: *doing triple sow cows, flips, triple axle combinations* I feel pretty and witty and gay~ *once more semi glaring at Rei and keeping a wary watch out for Quatre and Quatro who have tentatively entered the ice, despite the sign stating the ice is only for the cross dressed bishounen*
Zechs: *numb state of shock* And I pity, any girl who isn't me today *curses and starts speed skating towards Lady Une who is now taping all this*
Kurama: *guiding Hiei around with the silk scarf* I feel charming, oh so charming. It's alarming how charming I feel. *blandly ignores the little youkai's glares*
Lauren: *sweatdrops as she leans against the railing casually* And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real. *curses and shakes a fist at Rei and Sylvia watching from the sidelines*
Rei: *snickers* See the pretty girl in that mirror there? *points to side mirrors, situated all along the rink where all the skating bishounen and Lauren are reflected over and over again*
Sylvia: *taking pictures of Hiei as often as she can* Who can that attractive girl be?
Duo: *stares at Heero* Such a pretty face
Lady Une: *smirks* *mocking look as she flees from Zechs* Such a pretty dress
Quatre: *going determinedly after Trowa* Such a pretty smile
Quatro: *kisses ice as he trips because of Duo's flailings* *sees triples of himself everywhere* Such a pretty me!
Kurama: *winks at Hiei* I feel stunning
Treize: *keeps a watch ouf as the Zechs chasing Une circle continues* And entrancing
Trowa: Feel like running *eyes Quatre and Quatro who both have nets in their hands*
Zechs: *smiles viciously as Lady Une is also knocked down by Duo's flailings* And dancing for joy
Lauren: *dreamy eyed* For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy
Duo: *sweatdrops as all the people he's knocked down glare at him* I feel dizzy?
Hiei: *finally grunts something* I feel sunny
Lady Une: *dazed and staring up at the randomly orbiting Chibi Treize's around her head* I feel fizzy and funny and fine
Kurama: *smirks as Hiei is also knocked down by Duo... and gives chase, *very* clumsily to the skedaddling American pilot* And so pretty Miss America can just resign
Rei: *sweatdrops as Duo skates right into the mirror* See the pretty girl in that mirror there
Sylvia: *carefully pokes at the ko'ed boy* Who can that attractive girl be?
Duo: *dreamy, cross eyed look as Heero finally wanders over to see if he's alive err. ok* Such a pretty face
Heero: *smirks* *eyes Duo... and his flipped up skating skirt. In the background, the girls chant 'Panty Shot 13.5!'* Such a pretty dress
Duo: *gets a burst of energy and glomps Heero* Such a pretty smile
Hotohori: *pops out randomly and gazes at himself in the mirror* Such a pretty me!
Trowa: *sings drily as Quatre and Quatro skate right into each other, effectively ko'ing the other* I feel stunning
Hiei: *looks slightly dazed as Kurama ends their kiss, the kitsune having taking advantage of the lack of attention as everyone's focused on the others' random chaos on and off the ice* And entrancing
Zechs and Treize: *gloat over ko'ed Lady Une* Feel like running and dancing for joy
All except Rei and Sylvia who are busily wolfing down all the junk food from the concession stands: For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy
R: *watches in satisfaction
as Heero and Duo resume sucking face... err kissing, Trowa calmly skates
around the ko'ed pile of Quatre and Quatro, Treize and Zechs disappear
into the changing room together, Kurama and Hiei are more or less skating
merrily along and Lauren is busily dreaming of her boyfriend. She
refuses to speculate on the state of the FY cast and their effect on Wufei.
Oh the humanity, the humanity...* Heh, worked better than I thought...
S: *sulks* I wanted to sing the last verse too...
R: *sweatdrops* Why?
S: *cackles* Cause then it would mean Hiei-chan loved me!
R: *facefaults* Right. Have some pocky, 'mouto-chan.
S: *chibies* Pocky!
R: *resignedly settles back to watch the rest of the chaos go up in flames err.. rest of the fic*
Eventually Duo and Heero pulled away from each other, if only to get some more air in their starving lungs. Whether or not the oxygen went to their brains was debatable as the blood flow was flowing in a considerably lower ah....
Well, they paused in kissing at any rate, and Heero went back to being his stoic, stony self, not even responding when Duo thwapped him upside the head. "Oi, Yuy. What the hell..."
Trowa glided up to the rink, "Duo, have you noticed that Heero only changes personality when he's seen your...."
Trowa nodded in confirmation, keeping a wary eye on the two Q's. "Ah."
Duo eyed and poked the Heero.. err Heero curiously, "Uso...." Trowa shrugged and casually flipped up Duo's skirt, skating away when Duo yelled in indignation.
R: Panty Shot 15.5..
Hmm.. should it count if a fellow cross dresser does it to him?
S: Trowa-san's a bishounen though~
R: True, true. *eyes Lauren as she reappears within their little group* Had fun?
L: ^_^ Sore wa himitsu desu.
Trowa called out, after he was far away from the irate boy, "Only one way to find out is to test the theory."
Duo muttered angrily, as he smoothed down the skirt.. something he noticed he was becoming a bit *too* skilled in. "Theory, my ass." And felt a hand glide over that certain err.. anatomy. He swung around in surprise and stood, gaping at Heero. Gone was the indifferent stone statue, although certain parts of him were probably equally... eh, well this was the Heero of the groping sessions at any rate. As the skirt clad, beribboned, bemused, be~dazed boy was hauled in for another extensive kiss, he thought dizzily, -Man, I gotta get me more black panties.-
R, S, L: *wipes away
tears* A happy ending!
L: ~.^ Well a hentai one at any rate.
S: *sweatdrop* What happened between Trowa and Quatro anyway?
R: eheheheheh... next episode *solemn look*
L: *smacks her* No, you don't.
R: *sulk*... Oh, all right.
Trowa found himself glancing back to see if his theory was right and sweatdropped.. internally that is as Heero and Duo once again locked lips, locked tongues... and probably tonsils as well the way those two were wrapped up. Unfortunately, he didn't account for Quatre and Quatro regaining consciousness. They were right in front of him, and no amount of flipping could avoid them.
Quatro asked silkily...
L: *groans* Purple
R: *whips out microphone* It was a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater.
S: *sighs* Neechan.. the musical's over, face it.
R: *sulks cradling her mike*
"Have you considered my offer, Wa-chan?"
R: *raises eyebrow* You expect me to type in Tro-chan with a straight face?
L: *clears throat* Good point.
S: *shushes them* You're missing the good parts!
Then Quatre spoke up, "And my offer as well?"
L: *blinks* There
was an offer?
R: *coughs* After Quatro dropped off Trowa, Quatre approached him...
S: *sweatdrops* Neechan, you were too lazy to write that in weren't you?
R: *whistles and looks away*
His earnest blue eyes went sparkly sparkly as only Quatre could sparkly... err sparkle that is. "To go steady with me?"
Quatro retorted, "No, me!"
Trowa opened his mouth to speak, either that or to yawn at the incredibly boring way the ficcer was stretching out a few lines and.
R: The end! *runs
L and S: *blink at each other*
L: Rei!! *gives chase* Come back here!! Omae o korosu!
S: *sweatdrops* *goes back to watching Hiei and Kurama* At least my Hiei-chan has a happy ending. *peers over at audience* That's it folks, till next time ja!
Part 5.. not here~
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