Flames:  The Do's and Dont's
(responding to, before you flame, after you flame, ignoring of, disposing of, wondering why flames don't come attached with adorable pyro inclined bishounen, etc.)

Before we begin, I feel I should warn you.  There may be content which may offend some people.  The tone I use may offend some people.  The html, the colors, the format, the font I use may offend some people.  These warnings may offend some people.  The language I use may offend some people.  Heck, the fact that I exist, as a writer (to those conoseuirres of good taste), a commentator (to those who think there are too many opinions), a person (to those who know and dislike me.  Or just dislike people in general), and as a human (to those animals who are hunted daily.  To Mother Earth who we abuse.  And to the Dragons of Earth who have problems way too complicated to even begin with) may offend some people.

So let's begin with a warning.

By proceeding you acknowledge that I have a free mind - though not a free web server.

That I will exercise that mind if not my body.

That I have the right to voice whatever twists and turns my mind will come up with.

That you will take in the account that I tend to forget what I'm talking about.

That you will keep an open mind about it.  It being that I both forget and that I talk.

That you are truly reading this warning word for word.

That you have the right to hit BACK on your browser at any time, point, and place, click on any of your bookmarks to leave, or step away from the computer - turn it off - step outside and get some sun.  (This is only recommended in 60+ degree weather, with clothes on, and if being in the sun is not detrimental to your physical/mental/emotional/ well being)

And in return I'll do the same for you.


An Explanation for the Page - or why you and flames.


Because I was bored and tend to do weird things that will eventually cause me more work than it is worth starting in the first place.

The question being why did I decide to make this weird little section, Alex.

And because due to recent airing of Gundam Wing on Cartoon Network - the fanbase numbers has substantially increased.  Gundam Wing fans have usually been girls and have usually been interested in yaoi.  For those who aren't familiar with Gundam Wing, Cartoon Network, Yaoi, or fanbase - Why are you here?  And if ANYONE flames me for generalizing about the fandom, I will summon a rabid trout to gnaw off your pinky toes.  Because of the increased interest in GW - more and more flames have been coming in - especially to people who run yaoi oriented sites, be it fanart, fanfiction, image galleries, or those who just voice an interest.

Well, after a while an idea gradually began to form.

Then it withered due to lack of interest, lack of time, and the fact that I have a very short term memory.

Then it returned.

Then I had papers due.

And it withered.

Then I had too much caffeine one evening.

And the idea flourished and grew into this page.

So I guess you can blame the coffee industry.

J/K

Blame me if you must.  But really, must you?  After all, seeking to blame others is a fault as well.

But back to the topic.

This page, I decided eyes swirling and hands trembling, would be dedicated to the flame.

Yes, I am insane.

Who is I?

I am reishin aka batrei aka spndxmiko aka tro's evil twin aka Insanity no miko aka anything you want to call me because I need new nicknames.

Anyhoot.

Don't take anything seriously, both on this page and in life.

It means you've become an adult.

And won't Peter be sad?

~reishin~


What is a flame?


Obviously a brightly burning lovely little lick of fire that can be orange, yellow, red, or blue.

In the terms that are useful to us - its an email - usually critical if not downright derogatory and offensive.

How do you know if you've been flamed?

A feeling of shock at receiving one, followed by a feeling of disbelief at receiving one, followed by a feeling of anger/rage/fury upon reading one, followed by a feeling of anger/rage/fury upon thinking about it, followed by a feeling of righteous indignation upon telling all your friends about it, followed by a) amusement that anything the flamer has written should be taken seriously b) indifference because anything the flamer has written should not be taken seriously or the most improbably and one may even go so far as to say never ever will happen in a lifetime because honey it will NEVER happen c) repent one's sorry ass ways.

Repeat as many times as necessary.


How should one respond to a flame?


Note:  The reader can always backtrack a step or three.  Always.  Special thanks to free will and free thinking.

Step 1:

Ignore the flamer.  This is the most obvious step.  After all you have better things than to waste your precious time on a flame right?  Never mind that you're reading this page instead of doing your homework!! (ch' yeah right)

note: But by ignoring the flame, you are completely disregarding the care, the emotion, and the serious head injury tripping delusions that the flamer has put into their flame.  What about their careful use of spellcheck?  Grammar check ups?  Proof reading?  Obviously, one must carefully take these factors in.

Step 2:

Reply to the flamer.  This can go several ways.

A - Respond calmly and reasonably pointing out all their grammar mistakes, their obvious faults in judgement, their miscalculations, and that they were never given the attention and love they needed as children.  Or if the flamers ARE children - the love and attention they needed as a sperm or and egg.

note:  This will usually garner a response from the flamer which will take you back to "How should one respond to a flame"

B:  Respond bitingly and in explicit one syllabic words.

note:  This will usually garner a response from the flamer which will take you back to "How should one respond to a flame"

IE.  bite me
bite me, s***head
bite me now.
just bite me
do you want to bite me?  I don't care.  Just bite me.
I said bite me!

C:  Respond in kind.

IE.  Oh yeah???????? WEll i DON't CAre WhAT YoU SaY BeCAUse U SucKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soo BiTE MEeee!!!!#$%^#@

note:  This will usually garner a response from the flamer which will take you back to "How should one respond to a flame"

D: Respond by plastering that person's name, addy, all know alias, their webpage, their friends' webpages and addies, their relative's webpages and addies, their pets' webpages and addies, their third cousin once removed by marriage to a niece who was adopted by a Russian couple who now lives on welfare somewhere in Africa's pet parakeet's webpages and addies to webpage and pointing how stupid/inbred/inept they are.

note:  This will usually garner a response from the flamer which will take you back to "How should one respond to a flame"

second note:  This will also give them the attention and email which they obviously lack in their lives and therefore needed to flame in the first place.  By doing this you are filling the void in their lives, so think of it as your good deed for the day.

E:  Respond by contacting their parents and scheduling for a conference with their teachers.

note:  This will usually have them backing off. Unless they are too old to complain to the parents, in which case the flamers should be ashamed of themselves and do the mature thing.  Punish themselves by going early to bed without supper and dessert.

F:  Respond with biting sarcasm which cuts them low and shows just how stupid these flamers really are ^_^ *personal favorite*

note: See all above notes

Got any suggestions?: mail me firebabyl2@hotmail.com or drop me a line at the Message Board


Why People Flame


Flames, ah yes, what a warm toasty feelign they provoke.  Maybe, I'm *inordinately* thick skinned but flames make me laugh.  Not a mere titter but rolling on the floor, clutching stomach, tear wrenching sort of laughter.

And of course, I'm honored to recieve flames.

All me to explain.  Please.

Put yourself in the mind of a flamer.  Those with weak stomachs should pause to fortify themselves with pocky, cigarettes, alcohol, etc.

First comes the task of hunting down a site you don't like, be it Pokemon, Gundam Wing, or Sailor Moon.  Then comes the sometimes arduous task of getting past the disclaimers, warnings, and red herrings to get into the site?  Of course we all know how much dedication and scrutiny our warnings and disclaimers get by these flame baby wanna be . . .   Then they must somehow find the will to continue browsing despite the intial distaste/disgust/ horror/ overwhelming urge to hurl at whatever they have found.  Ah, what brave and courageous creatures.  Really they should be given something for their efforts. ^_^ What they should be given is up to you of course.

And somehow, somehow, they find the will to go on downloading those picutres, reading those fics, noting with their keen and discerning eye everything that  is so horribly wrong with what you think/feel/write/like.

Next comes the hardest part:  Putting those feelings of hatred and disgust into an email which will surely make the recipient see the error of their ways.

Each misspelt word and every lack of punctuation must be agonized over.  Should they use 25 exclamation marks with assorted $%!&* symbols or should they use 20 exclamation marks soley?  Oh, the artistry, the creativity, the dedication!  For each mail comes with a price.
 

They scoff at the use of the thesaurus or the dictionary.  Their continual use of the same word over and over and over and over and over and over again is meant to convey the depth and intensity at which they hate.  Or maybe their vocabulary is simply limited ^_^ The world will never know . . .