Heero didn't want to sleep. Eyes wide open, he stared unblinkingly at the dark ceiling above him.
In his waking moments, there were always the missions, thoughts and dreams kept at bay by refusing to think past the moment. But that was his problem wasn't it, refusing to think past the here and now, to *not* think past the moments that he would spend with Duo. It had been Duo that had made the first advances; it had been Duo that pushed and forced him to become more than just a soldier. Finally, it was Duo, during their last moments together, that had planned out their future together or rather their separate futures. And he had been unable to do anything then, mind racing, heart beating fast, but body being unable to move.
Heero continued to stare up blankly, his clenched fists belying the impassive expression on his face. He clenched and unclenched the blankets by his side.
Duo Maxwell had always been able to imagine the future, envisioning grand images and visions of 'ever after', painting their futures. Futures, that is to say, futures set apart. Heero, with Relena, was to live out whatever fantasy the Queen of the World aspired to, 2.3 children and a vacationing home in all of the colonies perhaps. And Duo living his life out as a famous race card driver or perhaps a multi-billionaire inventor, earning his status through the invention of something that had not been created or even imagined yet. All said jokingly and with a self-deprecating laugh and a cheeky wink, of course. The jester seeking to amuse them all with the yarns spun from ephemeral dreams and a wish for a future past the war. Yet, with an ironical tone which could not be escaped, and with a sense of fatalism which could not be denied.
Heero drew in a deep breath, the raspy sound of his breath the only sound in the still room, lacking the sleepy mumurs that Duo used to voice, the rustle of body and limbs moving gently within the fabrics of the bed. Or perhaps the phantom sounds of himself ... finding himself drawing closer to the boy lying at his side or his own sleepy mumurs in reply to the other's.
Duo Maxwell never lied. And Heero knew... no, felt... believed that the other boy spoke of the future as if it were already determined, Heero succumbing to Relena's offers and presence. What an irony then that Shinigami's own predictions had caused a stir within himself. A stir, an uneasy ripple, uneasy in that he was so unused to these sensations, for something more than which was offered. More than either boy was willing to offer, in these times, in these circumstances. But Heero wanted more, even if the mind had yet to register, to catalogue, these feelings as such. His body felt them in the way they were constantly drawn to touch, to watch beautiful Death. And his heart felt them in that last moment, as Duo said his goodbyes, neither boy, the one awake or the one feigning sleep, would know.
Heero let out another breath slowly, unwilling to pull into the seductive realms of Dream, where would no longer have control, where he would see Duo lingering in the folds and crevices of his mind. And it hurt, not in the sense of a broken bone, something which was, yes, painful but could be set right again, and the pain would fade into a wisp of a memory. This pain was deep, lingering and made his teeth stand on end, as every nerve wept, as his hands reached, reached for something that was just out of his grasp, something which could not be grapsed or claimed, something... which he could not even envision or voice. But something which was represented by his lover, by his love.
Only Duo was gone, wasn't he?
And Heero slept, his dreams haunted, or blessed, with dreams of his love. In this dream, here was the future he wished for, that perhaps Duo had wished for. A future together, buildling something together, an 'ever after'.
A happily ever after.
eheheheh ^^;; dinna worry, there will be a part 3... and maybe a part 4 v^^ and they might be longer too x_X *grins* So whatcha think?? Mail me onegai~~~ firstname.lastname@example.org *waves* ja ne >B
Part 3 needless to say a looooong way off ~.^
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